DanThat'sCool!

Funny how we spend out entire childhood wanting to grow up, and then through some cruel twist of fate we actually get our wish and grow up, and then…well…whoa…thanks, but on second thought I’d like to be a kid a little bit longer if that’s ok with you guys.  If only it was that easy.  Nobody told me the Real World came with cable bills, spotty 3G coverage and responsibilities.

It would have been nice if someone had thought to put that in the fine print of my adult contract before I threw my retainer out and signed my life away.

Luckily there are some things that will always bring back the feeling of those younger days.  Things like bad prom pictures, that hidden box of beat up action figures you found in the attic, and The Muppets.

More dysfunctional then any family on your street, with one song The Muppets could somehow always make everything ok.

They were oddballs.  They were our loyal friends.  They were goofballs, and like it or not we all recognized a little bit of ourselves in them.

Yes, I was probably Gonzo.  There.  I said it.  I own it.

Since none of us are probably going to load up our iPods with John Denver and The Muppets A Christmas Together and jump on the treadmill, you should check out the soon to be released tribute Muppets: The Green Album.  Some of today’s biggest performers give us their take on classic Muppet songs from the past.  From indy singers to a little more mainstream, a number of fan favorite Muppet tunes are covered on this disc.

OK Go, The Fray, Weezer and My Morning Jacket are just a few of the musicians featured, who all show a deep respect for both the music and the history of The Muppets.  It is a very eclectic mix of songs and artists, but a very cool take on some classic Muppet jams from both the TV show and the movies.  There is a little something for everyone.  You’re not going to find Beyonce on here.  This is definitely a bit more of a hipster indy crew.  The artist list is shown on the cover shot below…check the link for more info as well.  For all you Muppet Fashionistas out there…if you purchase or download from the official site you also get a very neato t shirt and a retro poster so you can Muppetize your pad.

Regardless of your musical taste I guarantee you’ll tap your toes a little bit, possibly even crack a child like smile when no one is looking…and definitely flashback to a simpler time for a few tracks.

A Warm & Fozzie DanCool thumbs up.

I’m bringing Sexy Back.

What does Heaven look like to a Geek?  If he or she dares venture beyond the mysterious perimeter of their parents’ basement and out into unfiltered oxygen and real sunlight, Heaven probably looks a lot like a Convention Center full of comic books.

It’s a fluffy cloud full of collectors and dealers sitting behind miles of tables filled with minty fresh Fantastic Fours, artists signing any surface that won’t smudge a Sharpie, and everyone who was ever beaned in the niblets with a grade school dodgeball now strutting around in a Wolverine costume shouting “Snikttt” every time a flash bulb goes off.  And ideally this is all being witnessed as you squint through the slightly off center eye holes of your own oversized Batman cowl.

Yup.  Comic-Con hit San Diego.

What could have been just another chance to bust out your Darth Vader voice changer, got a little dose of Cool this week as Ernie and Bert strolled the aisles.  Now I’m well aware that any member of Magneto’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants could easily take down a fuzzy Muppet.  Der.  But maybe not if Ernie had killer dance moves.

If you had taken your foam rubber Incredible Hulk Action Hands, gotten all Gamma Ray psycho and knocked off Ernie’s enormous costumed head, you could have had a brush with Boy Band greatness.  This week Justin Timberlake worked the Comic-Con floor incognito as Ernie, pretty much just to see if he could do it.  I know, right?  Cry Me A River.  Bert’s Boy Toy was LoveStoned.

Now that he is an honorary Saturday Night Live Prankboy, Justin is all about this kind of goofball shtick.  Since he was already there to promote his upcoming movie, and apparently always travels with an Ernie costume in his Tumi duffle, why not?  He wobbled his way through miles of homemade Captain Americas and their spray painted red, white & blue garbage can lids, bumping into Magic The Gathering card tables and rubbing up against those girls who always wear Naughty Nurse uniforms at Halloween, and no one had a clue.  Kind of makes you wonder who else was hiding under latex this weekend.

If you squint, Smurfette did look a little like Lance Bass.  Busted.

We’re bringing all this back, unfortunately

And as long as we’re dissin’ Boy Bands… New Kids On The Block & The Backstreet Boys still refuse to pull the emergency brake on that train called the “I Refuse To Admit I’m Getting Older World Dominance Tour” as it systematically careens off the track, either ending up on the Today Show sidewalk or Left Field at Fenway Park.

How do housewives always manage to find babysitters on such short notice every time these boys show up on a cruise or at a Best Buy?  Seriously. NKOTBSBM.O.U.S.E.(Why? Because we love you!) as they are referred to on comfortably oversized pastel souvenir t-shirts and over Sooper Scoops at Denny’s after the PTA meetings, are not going down without a fight.  Even with waistlines that have somehow increased in direct proportion to the decrease in their hair height, they keep on side to side dancing in front of packed arenas full of Moms who just made it to their seat in time because the Swim Meet ran late.  I’m still trying to figure it out.  Maybe it’s because when you squint from the cheap seats…hey…the school’s not giving away Band uniforms, ok?…it looks as though nothing has changed after all these years.

Uh Uh Oh Oh Oh.  Check it ou ou ou out…

“Make. This. Be. Over.”

Poor Jennifer Lopez.

I’m pretty certain that JLo was the only person within the entire Hollywood/LA radius who lit a candle Friday night in the hopes that Carmageddon hit full force as predicted by Ashton Kutcher and his twit friends.  Forty eight hours of Independence Day-worthy traffic jams, car on top of car, with panic stricken residents shattering Best Buy windows and snatching the latest Samsung 3D plasmas would be a nice distraction from the public implosion of her marriage this weekend.  Will Smith jumping from hood to hood on the 405 to save the world could certainly have kept a good chunk of entertainment show hosts from analyzing how Marc Anthony had not smiled once in any photo taken with his wife since mid-2008.  A real smile.  Not the crazy eyed kind you give when someone asks to see your new braces.

Well, the 405 Y2K iPhone 5 thing never quite happened this weekend.  Hope you didn’t invest too much of next week’s paycheck in those “I Survived…” t-shirts.  To add insult to injury, the country’s debt ceiling discussions are currently more clogged up than that same LA Highway, so it appears that Jennifer Lopez is taking the Hot Topic hit right between her L’Oreal lashed eyes.  The hens on The View are probably chomping at the bit for Monday’s show.

Looks like JLo’s 2011 Media Overload Tour finally convinced Marc to pull the emergency ripcord and jump out of that plane before it crashed.  Or maybe Jenny From The Chopping Block pushed him out of the plane.  It kind of depends on which magazine you pick up, though both of them had enough reason to pilot that thing straight into the Andes.

It was always that slightly odd marriage.  It immediately caused all those in Hollywood with foreheads still loose enough to actually raise an eyebrow, to do so when it first took place.  The Glamazon and the Quirky Guy love story works really well for Disney On Ice presents Beauty And The Beast, but not so much the Grammys Red Carpet Show.

Unfortunately, in all the years they were together, Marc never managed to salsa dance his way more than one third of the way out from behind her curvaceous shadow.  They always tried to put on a united front, hugging twin babies and all, but it never quite worked out as planned.  There are seemingly unending reasons why.  Like her or not, that girl is gor-ge-ous, has never worn a single item off the sale rack, and has never had a bad hair day.  Her shelves are lined with trophies, statues, gold records and decoupaged magazine covers.  Ok, granted…maybe not an Oscar.  Definitely not an Oscar.  But as I can attest to from some uncomfortable Junior High years, being pretty and knowing how to dance can cover a multitude of sins.  Trust me, it got me through many an awkward Friday night dance in the cafetorium.

Add to that the 24/7 Lopez Blitz which was rebooted with her gazillion million dollar contract for American Idol, and it’s no wonder the JLo tornado took out Marc’s 98 pounds in one high end trailer park sweep.  A Latin American Acela Train with no brakes blowing right past Reconciliation Station.

The rumor mill factories are on triple shift production scheduling right now.  Some say it’s because JLo is about to go topless in a new movie or two, and Marc doesn’t want to start sharing all of that with us.  Umm.  Raise your hands right now if you even remember a time when she was not sharing all that with us?  If you have a photo of JLo in a Target hoodie or Lands End wool turtleneck, hit me up on my Sidekick.  Seriously, Marc?

Then there is the gossip blip that she has already hooked up with her current Music Video Boy du Jour!  “Love on the Beach?”  And the picture of JLo sipping wine!  “Has the Divorce driven her to drink?”  And now she has to come back to Idol!  “Broke Jennifer Lopez needs the money now!”

I know, right?  Something tells me that JLo is not spending her Sunday afternoon sitting on the living room floor cutting coupons out of the NYTimes.

There was also some dirt about Marc somewhere, but I forget where I saw it.  Poor guy.  He doesn’t stand a chance.

Yeah.  Carmageddon would have been a nice distraction for Mr. and Mrs. Lopez.  On top of taking the kids to Costco, they have been feverishly working side by side on a new Latino-ish Idol-ish Voice-ish competition show, as recently over hyped by Giuliana Rancic on every E! commercial bumper.  It was supposed to herald the post-Ricky Martin Latino retaking of America.  Umm.  Before you emboss the business cards you might want to ask Eva Longoria how that’s been working out lately.

Unless Godzilla swims the Pacific and jumps the remaining 405 bridge soon, this thing ain’t going anywhere.