Archive for July 8th, 2011

Groceries in the Subway? Virtually.

Friday, July 8th, 2011

When I decided to unleash my random samplings of What’s Cool on an unsuspecting internet audience, whether they wanted it or not, I was hoping that every so often I could find some gems that were so Shut Up Cool that no one would even dare disagree with me.  Things that would, for a brief moment, make me the Finder of All Things Cool, at least in my own head, and for at least one full hour.  Cool things so cool that the President would need to use his special cool BatPhone to call me and say thank you for making the world a cooler place.  The kind of things that would allow me to use the word Cool 40 times in one paragraph and not annoy anyone because the thing was so cool.

That kind of Cool.

I just didn’t think I would have to buy a subway pass to Korea to do it.

Check out the vid down below.  Korean grocery store chain Home Plus/Tesco has just made shopping for your snacks fun again.  It’s a way to check things off your grocery list that until now only Comic Con attendees could have envisioned.  Instead of miles and miles of Nike ads and generic Mass Transit posters, Home Plus has lined the subway platforms with wall to wall life size grocery store murals.  You literally feel as tho you are pushing your wobbly wheeled cart down the ketchup aisle instead of waiting for your Metro train.

Every shelf in your favorite Korean store is there.  All the basic core items that any household would need, on either side of the pond.  The neato part is that every virtual item is marked with a QR code that can be snapped into your cell phone and sent to that big Home Plus cloud in the sky.  Instead of standing around twiddling your thumbs waiting for your ride home, you go grocery shopping.  You take scans of everything on your list.  Then you pay for it with the same phone.  Then you get on your train, feeling warm and fuzzy, safe in the knowledge that your groceries will be at your house by the time you get off the Jungang Line.

I know, right?  Shut up.

The only flaw that I can see in this new high tech shopping is that you no longer get to (unintentionally, of course…) stand in the longest line and read your free copy of Soap Opera Digest.  Which you would never do if the line wasn’t so long.  But people can’t read the 10 items or under sign.  Ever.  And it’s the only magazine at the register.  And All My Children just got cancelled.

Or so I heard.  From someone else.

Gotta go.  My train is here.

Barbie Gives Good Phone

Friday, July 8th, 2011

Umm.

So.

Finally something for all those previously mentioned Toddlers and Tiara girls to aspire to.

Seems like someone out of touch on the top floor of the Nokia Headquarters thought this would be a great way to promote their new N8 Pink Mobile Phone to a female audience.  And I guess to those young men who attend all the Doll & Teddybear conventions.  And apparently, to anyone who likes the smell of latex and writing on a naked person with a Sharpie.  And not the funny “moustache” squiggles you used to put on your Frat Brother when he was sleeping off a bender on his bed of red plastic cups.  The other kind.

What the–?!

With the club hit “Freedom” jamming like last call at The Roxy,  Nokia has artfully (?) combined a little bad girl Barbie, good weave Britney, Lady Gaga, Rihanna, kinda sorta Jane Fonda working out, a pink baby deer, a phone bed and some Dirty Nasties into a mini music video that should send Ken skipping back into the waiting arms of G.I.Joe before the second chorus.

Now I am the biggest fan of stop motion animation, dance tunes and buying stuff I don’t need.  But.  What the–?!

The first thing that this pink mess has going against it is that it’s not an iPhone.  Now you finally know where I stand on that argument.  Do NOT diss Temple Apple.

Second point being that when I think of mobile phones, I don’t think of little light up boobs and wind machines.  Usually.

Third.  When Rihanna Barbie is straddling the phone bed, I don’t think she is wearing her bloomers.  That’s just nasty.

Four.  I’ve already watched this at least ten times.

Girl Power Yes.  But this ain’t your big sister’s Powerpuff Girls.  And you know this snippet is going totally viral.  But not the good kind of viral.  More like the pull your bottom lip down and ask someone if they think that sore is the start of N8 Pink Syndrome.  That kind of viral.  And even Nurse Barbie doesn’t have the antibiotics for that one I am certain.

And what kind of Mom is going jump in the station wagon and gun it to the Mall for this one?  Are there really enough Jerry Springer Moms and Baby Daddies who wants their little girl carrying around a Dirty Barbie phone?  Is she pulling that thing out at the Food Court to answer her recess pimp?  “I thought I told you to pick up your Barbie Booty Phone when I call you, woman?  Where’s my lunch money, bitch?  You better be wearing your Bieber tshirt when I get home from Band practice.” 

Ken, G.I. Joe and that Weinergate guy should stick to playing safe with their Blackberries.  This pink thing is just wrong.

Face time me and we can discuss it.  I’ll put on the extended remix version for some background chillin’.

Back off Hello Kitty.  N8 Barbie will cut you.


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