Dance Moms Rewind: A Survival Guide Of Life Lessons Learned At The ALDC. Some Old Stuff…Until The New Stuff.

June 14th, 2014

Cut me some slack, people.  It’s better than nothing.

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Not gonna lie.  This whole Dance Moms dry spell kinda caught me off guard.

Wait.  What?  No new episodes?  At first I was all like…

giphy-1Then I think I went into denial or something.
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Until I finally just lost my nutty.  Oh  Hell Nah.

ep17_-_holly_1Luckily, someone let me know it’s only temporary and the show would be back.

tumblr_m5c17dxjfa1r43mqxo1_500I tried filling the lonely hours with my other hobby.

Tumblr_lrhm9mOLYu1qgpj81o2_500That was fun for a few weeks, but eventually I got bored.  And pretty bloated.

tumblr_mr4cmpl8nx1r2gixro1_500It was time to stop being such a baby and remember what the ALDC taught us:

toddlers-tiaras-its-time-to-pop-in-your-pappy-L-p_Y69xWalk into work on Monday like a Boss, even when you’re still wearing Friday’s clothes.

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Or make this fiercely fabulous entrance.  PS…This bitch is totally copying Nia.

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Portion control.  Just do it, fercryinoutloud.

Kelly-Stop-Eating-Dance-MomsAwkwardly inappropriate office bromances seem to be more accepted nowadays.

Lifetime_Dance-Moms_0_Boy-Crazy-Mom-Crazy_110864_LF_HD_768x432-16x9Never underestimate the power of a sassy new makeover, mmmkay?

tumblr_inline_mqyz06xPq31qz4rgpI know, right?  So beautiful.  My principal never had zippers on her pant suits.

tumblr_m9fpxdDEXy1r7dslfHow the Laverne & Shirley of our generation made subtlety and noon cocktails a thing.

dance-moms-quotes-christi-116-1And don’t even get me started on Walmart.

Leslie_payton_dsdsI know what you guys are probably thinking by now…

tumblr_lyovjwWxmn1ql5yr7o1_400Of course not.  I mean…well, maybe just a little.

tumblr_m7c3qznboJ1ql5yr7o1_400But I have an amazing poker face, so you’d never know it.

tumblr_static_sdfkj_kendallAll things considered, I think I’m handling the mid-season break pretty well.

1578086874_1785443392001_Lifetime-Dance-Moms-222-Dr-Holly039s-Book-Club-114522-SFOr not, maybe.

Toddlers-and-Tiaras-CryingYeah.  Emotionally…

Tumblr_mjzyabM4nQ1qd9agqo1_500Totally unrelated side note:  This is still the best gif ever in the history of ever.  Werk.

Tumblr_mijdq2cJNl1ql5yr7o1_500So now I guess we should just sit and stare at the TV until Dance Moms returns.

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Sounds like a plan.  You know where to find me.  Buh Bye now.

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Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Rewind: Celebrate 2 Billion Gangnam Style Hits With The Redneck Mashed-Up Classic.

June 1st, 2014

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Trust me.

Dolla still make me holla.

But 2 billion youtube hits?  That’s Redneckulous.

That’s right.  Park Jae-sangPSY to all us hipsters…and his Gangnam Style dance anthem just crossed the 2 billion views mark.

You heard me.  Billion.  With a ‘B.  Like in ‘Boo Boo.’

Apparently, almost two years later everybody is still doing it Gangnam Style.

So what better excuse to bring back one of the best music video mash-ups evah for your viewing pleasure to celebrate the milestone.

The official Honey Boo Boo Style ReMix.

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You know I still love me some Toddlers & Tiaras.

I miss all that sparkly goodness more every day.  And I’m always up for anything that will help my milkshake bring all the boys to the yard, so to speak.

So naturally, adding some Go-Go Juice to my Gangnam seemed like the next logical step.

Cuz that s*** makes everything even better.

To congratulate Psy, let’s all enjoy another look at Honey Boo Boo Child going Gangnam in the ultimate Korean Redneck ReMix.

It’s like someone took everything inside my brain and made a music video.  Some of my favorite obsessions brilliantly mixed together until they’re smooth as buttah and ketchup.

And, surprisingly, even more tasty the second time they’re served.

It’s like Korean Sketti.  That you can dance to.

And you’re welcome.

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Oppa Gangnam Style.

Y’all.

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The Kimye Wedding Extravaganza: He Likes Big Butts And He Cannot Lie. For The Love Of Kanye…Make It Stop.

May 26th, 2014

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Forgive me if I’m a little emotional, but I always get choked up when someone gets a do over wedding.  Especially when they haven’t spent all the profits from the last one yet.

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Kimye got married this weekend.  Finally.  And it was everything you’d expect from a one hit wonder porn star and the drunk guy who snatched Taylor Swift‘s microphone.

ÒRoyal wedding of Prince William of Wales to Catherine Middleto

Her dress was not from Sears, even though I totally saw four racks of markdown Kardashian Kollection stuff in her size next to the lawn mower department last week.

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The place was packed with all kinds of celebrity types in their designer clothes.  Except for Beyoncé, who decided to blow off the event at the last minute.

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Kim’s bro Rob Kardashian also bailed after some top secret family dramzz. He seemed pretty upset in the airport, so I won’t make any jokes about his weight right now.

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Everyone that stuck around got to eat some really fancy food off a gigantic menu that somebody probably had to read to Kendall.  Cuz she’s like totally the worst reader.

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Even Will Smith‘s kid was there.  Jaden might have a little sumthin sumthin going on with Kylie Jenner but he’s not in most of her hoochie Instagram shots, so I dunno fo’ sho.

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Step Dad Bruce Jenner walked Kim down the aisle at the Forte di Belvedere.  Dude should be getting pretty good at that by now.  Practice makes perfect.

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And now Kim and Kanye are married.  F’realz.  Maybe they’ll even go away for awhile, because I think I speak for most everyone when it comes to these Kardashian people…

tumblr_inline_n4ecy51X051ry3wlgCongratulations, Kimye.  Love you more.

Muah.


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