The Real Housewives Of New Jersey: Old Friendships And New Bathroom Sinks Crumble. It’s A Jersey Quickie.

June 11th, 2013

melissa

Life is hard.

I know you’re busy.

And sometimes there is barely enough time to catch up on all the Garden State Goodness that is Real Housewives of New Jersey, much less read all the hilarity I keep sending your way.

Once in awhile you might actually even…I don’t know…have to work while you’re at work, and not have the luxury of spending hours slowing down the company’s internet speed trying to catch up on all the crazy shizzle that is going down between the Gorgas and the Giudices.  One step forward, two steps back as they say.

I feel your pain.  And your anguish.

But fear not, Bravoholics.

Relive the latest episode at Warp Speed.  No filler.  No fluff.  Just the meaty portions.

From all 47 of Teresa‘s girls blowing their nutties in the kitchen to Melissa trying to sell a house with a broken bathroom sink that isn’t even connected to any actual plumbing…it’s all there.  Everything you saw.  Or thought you saw.

You’ll witness Caroline‘s sister Fran‘s mentally dinged up chihuahua who smells like Fritos (…the dog, not the sister…) as well as Joe Gorga and Chris Laurita playing an uncomfortably manly game of pool that luckily ended before any real man-on-man 8 ball corner pocket action kicked into overdrive.

Even the Pride of the Golden Girls Pride Parade Rosie Pierri is there in her best Boca Raton daywear, talking nasty talk during a No Girls Allowed poker night.

You’ll see Richie Wakile being a total dufus at daughter Victoria‘s nursing school and share in the touching breakthrough moment between Jacqueline and her autistic son Nicholas.  Get your hankies ready.

And of course, there’s also Caroline proving that she really meant it this time at last year’s Reunion Show when she said she would never speak to Teresa again.

Because she totally talked to her again, in an oddly evacuated ghost town of a restaurant that got enough free on-screen advertising to recoup any loses from Hurricane Sandy.  We get it.  It’s the Ho-Ho-Kus Inn & Tavern.

(Spoiler Alert:  No table flip.  I really miss the old Prostitution Whore Days.)

And you get to see it all in under 2 minutes.

I give you the New Jersey Quickie.

Trust me.  It’s everything that trashy girl down at the Mall said it would be.

Enjoy.

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Toddlers & Tiaras: It’s Boogie Shoes And Performance Enhancing Pixie Stix When Bailey’s Pageants Goes Disco.

June 7th, 2013

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Shut Up with these sick shoes. I am so totally wearing them to the next Real Housewives of Texas Reunion Show.

 

 

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Hand to Gawd. It’s only sweet tea, soda, pixie stix and that stuff they give to greyhounds before the race starts.

 

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Bitch, please.

 

 

 

 

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Oh yeah. Dat’s what I’m talkin’ about. Who’s yer Daddy? These’ll make you spit your cupcakes out, ladies. Pow. Pow.

 

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Srsly. Is it just me, or does that man with the Popeye arms smell like baby oil and Axe sport spray?

 

 

 

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Ok. Don’t tell JD, but I tried that Tinker Tea and that s*** is off the hook. My hair was straight when I woke up this morning.

 

 

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Whatchoo lookin’ at? Hell, yeah I’m drinking straight sugar out of a sippy cup. Maybe you should just find your seat, cuz it’s Go Time.

 

 

 

 

Umm…yeah.

So Toddlers & Tiaras is back.

Is there a problem?  Cuz if there is, maybe we should just take this outside and settle it.

Or maybe over there by the weight bench, and see who can max out on tricep dips.

Gold’s Gym or Bailey’s Pageants.  What’s it gonna be, you little pussy?

Whoa.

Sorry.  Didn’t mean to get so aggressive.  Apparently I’m still coming down from either Roid Rage or Pixie Pump, because this week’s premiere was definitely jacked up on sumthin.  Biceps and Booties were literally poppin’ up and out everywhere you looked.

And except for the sudden crash after the closing credits, you know I love me some Toddlers & Tiaras.  Not to mention platform shoes.  And Tonya Bailey.

So when Bailey’s Pageants put ’em all together for the Disco Fever Pageant…it was an incurable case of Boogie Fever.

Pageant Director Tonya got the disco ball rolling by explaining how this whole extravaganza was gonna go down.  And it was gonna go down hard.

The pageant was full Glitz, and if you don’t know what that means by now, there’s really not much I can offer you this late in the game.  Sparkle and Tans and Big Hair and Glitter and Confetti and Laser Tag and who knows what else.  Just make it Glitz.

Tonya always gets really excited over her pageants.  Like wide eyed excited, which is how you should get if you just spent all that money on Ramada security.  And this time, since she wasn’t wearing her signature Swarovski crystal pirate eye patch, you could really see her enthusiasm.

Sometimes she reminds me of a long lost friend who is so excited to see you that she forgets to blink, and other times I flash back to the look your Mom gave you when she first found that Playboy magazine under your mattress.  Hypothetically, of course.

But either way, Tonya was excited to be getting her disco down.

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Not only is Tonya big on eyes, but she’s also big on props.  And this time it was a Studio 54 Jimmy Choo stiletto.  Thank you Disco, for this shoe…which…umm…ok.

It was really more the kind of shoe that you’d thank your pimp for, but whatever…she’s paying.  She can thank the Academy if she wants to.  She’s Tonya.

The Grand Supreme deep dish winner this week was going home with…well…with basically a second summer home, I guess.  A ginormous (…say it with me…) $15,000 toy house from Lilliput Play Homes, and the thing was massive.

One:  Tonya.  Honey.  Where the hell are you supposed to put that monster?  You tell me half the Moms weren’t throwing the score just so they didn’t have to tear down the garage to make room for that thing.  I couldn’t afford the property taxes, much less the zoning ordinance fees.

Two:  Props to the dude from Lilliput Play Homes who had to walk around in public with a button down shirt that said Lilliput Play Homes on it and not get beat up on the playground.

Our first little princess was 2 year old Alexa and Mom Tori.  Seriously cute.

She had the kind of face you just wanted to squish it was so cute.  But you’d have to catch her first.  And good luck with that, because Mom puts Super Premium in her tank.

Alexa drinks coffee.  Just one cup a day, though.  Since she was 9 months old.

That’s right.  I didn’t even know what my own toes were used for when I was 9 months old, but apparently Alexa knows how to place an order at Starbucks.  Mom said one cup was not an abundancy, which rhymes with redundancy…and neither word makes sense.

Clearly, through the magic of television editing, it looked like Alexa slugged it down from morning to night, with no caffeinated nap time in the middle.  But if that was the case, we’d be trying to track her down on America’s Most Wanted or she’d be running the Olympics next to Usain Bolt, and neither of those things happened during the episode.

But Mom clearly loved her daughter, and that’s always the most important thing if I’m gonna sit through all this crazy every week.  All the parents did.  And supporting your kids is key.  You heard it here first.

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Alexa also talked in the best baby gibberish.  Evah.  And it needs to be my new outgoing voice mail message immediately.  Sorry I can’t come to the play in the water look so listen no I don’t…..unicorn.  Beep.

I have no idea what she said for most of the show, and it usually had nothing to do with the subject at hand or the questions she was asked.  But who cares?  When TLC waves the white flag and doesn’t even try to subtitle her ramblings ten minutes into the show, then you know it’s good stuff.  Did I mention cute?

Down the road a bit they were a little more focused, thanks to protein shakes, ginseng and grilled chicken with the skin off.

Between reps in her Fisher Price gym, we met 4 year old Brooke, Stepmom Linda and Dad Lou Ferrigno, better known as JD.

Dad liked to Pump.  It.  Up.

He was a competitive bodybuilder who only believed in extreme lifting, extreme healthy eating and those extreme animal print MC Hammer pants that they all wear down at Mike’s Gym.

Granted, we never actually saw him rocking any Zubaz (…please tell me that someone else remembers those…) but you know he totally had a pair in the closet hidden behind a FedEx box from BodyBuilding.com.  Linda was a fitness model and Brooke got Muscle Milk if she didn’t mess up her practice sessions.  Booyeah.

JD pretty much sealed his fate in the pageant world by blatantly making fun of thick girls and Honey Boo Boo‘s Mom before reenacting the opening sequence of a He-Man cartoon.  It wasn’t pretty.  And he swore that he didn’t like to judge people.  But when your biceps are bigger than your head, I guess you sometimes say things that really piss off everyone in line at Walmart.

The last contestant this week was sassy 3 year old Janeyah and Mom #1 Toya and Mom #2 Naye Naye.

I know, right?  Two Moms.  Dos Mamás.  How progressive.

They totally looked like they should be sharing the middle box in Hollywood Squares back in the day, like those two whacky ladies from 227 or something.

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(OMG.  If your favorite show right now is Bunheads, you may have to Google it to get that last joke.  But trust me…a long time ago, in a galaxy far away, there were non-HD sitcoms.  I swear.  And you couldn’t watch them online.)

Mom and Mom were like VH1 meets BET meets LOGO TV.  And they were a hoot.

Janeyah (…JaNEIGHaah…not Jane-Yeah like some internet doofs were saying after the show…) was diva sassy sassy diva all the way.  She kept saying “Spread Your Leg Out” which had something to do with disco I assumed, but it reminded me too much of NeNe Leakes telling Kim Zolciak to “Close Your Legs To Married Men” on one of the Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Shows, and before you knew it the whole NeNe vs. Naye Naye thang got me so confused I had to walk away for a second.

Mom 1.0 had Type 2 Diabetes and tried to pay attention to what Janeyah ate so she didn’t overdo the sugar intake, which was a smart move.  Just a thought, but she might want to avoid any future play dates with Alexa just to be safe.  I’m sure that JD, on the other hand, would be more than happy to have GiGi (…why isn’t it JayJay?…) come over and learn how to use his Montel Williams juicer.  Or she could join them at the roller disco, because that totally happened before the pageant.

Speaking of Alexa.  After she had drained her Box o’ Joe, Mom whipped up another special cocktail to get her through some mid-day pageant rehearsing.

Go-Go Juice is so 2012, people.  It’s all about the Tinker Tea now.  Soda, sweet tea and a 12 pixie stix shooter.

BOOM goes the dynamite.

Alexa tore through Amber Tatum‘s dance studio like Speedy Gonzales in a hair bow until somebody suddenly hit the Pause button on her DVR and she just stopped moving.

NASA calls it a crash & burn, I believe.

Amber said working with Alexa while she was tanked up on TT was like trying to put two cats in a bag, which I thought was a little goofy, since I don’t think putting one in a bag would be any easier.  Two cats would be a bit of an abundancy, don’t you think?

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The other little princesses also worked on their routines a bit, but nothing too jaw dropping hit the screen other than Janeyah singing “We’re going to the pageant” so many times that I thought Mom 2.0 was going to tape her up inside that giant box they were gift wrapping for the stage.

Finally, it was Showtime!

Tonya showed us the difference between a fake smile and a real smile, which turned out to be no difference, and then we got down to disco bidnez.

(Side note:  I was oddly fascinated by those gigantic sparkly crowns that had a little disco ball dingle dangling in the middle like a Charlie Brown tree.  I kinda need one, for some reason.  And I have a huge head, so they may have finally found someone who fits into those things.)

My boy Todd Bailey was back as emcee.  Still looking like the lost Backstreet Boy with those frosted tips, he’s my new spotter at the gym.  He just doesn’t know it yet.

Not gonna lie…now that I know he’s actually Tonya’s husband and not some  young lover that she picked up in the hair care aisle on Cougar Double Coupon Day, I’m a little bummed.  In my head it was such a great story that I may still use it anyway.  She could be lying, right?

Alexa looked like Kellie Pickler sucking down Tinker Tea at the CMAs.  Her one-on-one interview spots pretty much gave me life.

Janeyah brought her “A” Game and had some pretty sassy Showtime at the Apollo hair going on up there.  She froze on stage for a second in the Beauty part, but the two Hollywood Squares ladies snapped her out of it pretty quickly.

Brooke was really dragging.  And crying.  And since JD had banned all unnatural pixie stix from their medicine cabinet, he and Linda scooted her into the ladies room (…ie…out of sight from what must have been a male camera guy…) and pumped her full of a mystery beverage that looked a lot like Red Bull on a foggy day.  At first I thought it was just my eyes glassing over from all the aerosol and glitter at the hotel, but then I realized that they blurred out the label.  But it was Red Bull.

Go read the online stories about Red Bull.  Something about Vietnam and heads bursting off at the neck or something.  I’ll stick with my Tinker Tea, thanks.

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The Disco Wear portion was exactly what we’ve all come to expect from the Disco Wear portions.  Except for JD, who jumped up on stage to assist Brooke in her routine.

Wearing nothing but an afro wig and Under Armour man panties, he flexed and did pushups and basically forgot that it was supposed to be Brooke’s day to shine.  I didn’t think it was possible, but somehow Tonya’s eyes got even bigger, and one lady in the audience fell out of her banquet chair.

Maybe it was just me, but with that nappy ‘fro and that roll-on, spray-on tan that they use for body building shows, he almost looked like Al Jolsen on steroids.  Am I right?

Pageant Mammy, how I love you.

It’s 2013.  I don’t know if I’d be taking that act on the road anytime soon, dude.

Brooke’s real Mom Vanessa showed up to watch her daughter compete, and after the musclepalooza she pretty much let the world know she thought her ex-husband was a Dbag.  She didn’t come right out and say it, but when a person swallows their gum, rolls their eyes and then says that “Yeah…he’s…umm…he’s something alright” you pretty much know she de-friended him on Facebook and threw out the two pair of lifting gloves that he left at her place.

Everyone did their thing.  And then some kids won some stuff.

None of the three tiny tots won that summer home.  They were all bummed.  But it is what it is, so build a pillow fort like the rest of us and get over it.

What really mattered was that waaaay in the background during the crowning flashmob was crazy Jessica McClamroch and all her crazy Mom hair and baby Ava.

Hey, Girlfriend.  Nice herrrrr!

Yup.  Toddlers & Tiaras is back.

Wednesdays.  9pm.

And Tinker Tea and crumpets at noon, of course.  Cuz we’re klassy like dat.

Sparkle, baby.

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Dance Moms: It’s The Anthony Burrell Show! Step Aside Ladies And Let The Boyz Show You How Crazy Is Done.

June 5th, 2013

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Damn, girl. Mama likes some of that fine beef jerky that Ohio has been importing lately.

 

 

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Whenever your boy getz the blues, I just put on my big giant hat and turn that frown upside down.

 

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I got no problem sitting in this closet full of pink cupcake dresses and telling that Bitch to Man Up.

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Don’t cry, little Buckeroo. It’s like that angry man in the tutu closet said: You’re Dad’s just being a pissy bitch.

 

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OMG. I’m like totally going on a date with a boy who can do a split. Haters gonna hate tomorrow.

 

 

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I would totally tap that. Or maybe just do a high kick and then throw some pie in her face. Whatev.

 

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Lawd. I never seen so much cryin’ and so many damn cows in all my life.

 

 

 

 

Please.

Not right now.  I just can’t.

Don’t talk to me.  Don’t touch me.

I’m bloated.  I’m emotional.  I just need my Häagen-Dazs and a spatula.

And it wouldn’t hurt if your kid could actually make it through a baseline CrossFit gym workout without wetting himself.  Is that too much to ask?

That’s right.  Dance Moms is back.

Or Dance Dads.  Or whatever it’s called nowadays.

Mathematically deducting all the crying, screaming and emotional baggage unleashed by both the Moms and the quasi-Alpha Males, this week’s 2 hour Summer Premiere gave us all about 11 minutes of actual choreographed dancing between commercials.

But we all know that if you wanted to see Mackenzie do another backflip, you’d go to youtube.  You go to Dance Moms for the drama.

And this week was Boyz Nite Out, yo.

The new season of dance competition just kicked into gear.  It was still the same season of the show, but a new season to compete on that Road to Nationals that Glee made so famous.  In TV Land a month had passed.  In the Real World just a little more if I’m not mistaken.  Those two weeks of Reunion Shows in that sparkly Star Trek Discotheque got me a little off track, so bear with me.

Spring Break gave the girls time to ice their knees and catch up on their book reports, while some of the Moms used the time off to get their hair did.

Kelly was now rocking those chunky highlights that were so popular about ten years ago, while Jill continued her gradual transition into Sue Ellen Ewing by darkening that uncontrollable hair.  Holly got herself a new flat iron and was looking pretty slick and sleek (…Michelle Obama who?…) while Melissa put her hot rollers to good use.

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Christi, on the other hand, didn’t really seem to know what to do with all that blonde ambition, so she just kinda waved the white flag and wore her hair up a lot this week.

Regardless, nothing gets done without the Pyramid of Shame, which was back after a few weeks on hiatus.

Bottom row was prime seating for Kendall, Nia and Mackadoodle.

Kendall had cried too much, Nia didn’t straighten her back leg even though she was yelled at 11 times (…not 12…they count these things, apparently…) and MackSplat hadn’t been able to keep up with bottle rocket Asia.  Same as always.  I’m thinking that I should just cut & paste this paragraph into the recap every week as a time saver.

Mezzanine level was all about Chloe, Asia and Paige.

Chloe had done a good job last time, but wasn’t Maddie.  So she was still numero dos.

Asia was actually MIA in Los Angles this week, doing whatever it is that squeaky Sophia had done a few months ago, I guess.  Which meant that Mama Krisitie was also MIA.  Which was so not cool.

No Kristie?  I momentarily contemplated actually opening up a book when I realized that JLo wouldn’t be throwing down this week.  Almost.

Paige was on the second row because she had stood up to Anthony Burrell and Chaos Cathy Nesbitt-Stein when they started talking smack in the audience after her last performance.  Remember that?

That was when Kelly flipped a switch and went bazoinkers on them in the middle of the awards presentation, while that kid with the big Bozo shoes sat on stage behind her.

Seriously.  That still bothers me.  It totally distracted from the hormonal drama.  If they can pixelate Paris Hilton‘s hoooha every time she straddles out of a limo with no underpants, why couldn’t they have blurred out those gigantic feet?

Anyway.  Maddie was on top.  Because she’s Maddie.

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This week they were headed to the street behind the studio and staying in Pittsburgh for the Masters of Dance Arts Competition.  Chloe and Maddie were going to bust out a duet, Paige was doing a solo and Brooke got moved up to the majors and was going to dance with the ALDC Senior Group.

The elite senior group meant taller girls, not so many Cartoon Network hair bows and a chance to dance with boys who were sporting peach fuzz and Peter Brady voices.

Brooke was psyched.  I guess.  She never really shows any emotion.  She did keep pawing at her ponytail like she was deep conditioning the ends, so I’m going to assume she was a little nervous.  But psyched.

Then it was off to Ohio and the Evil Dance Lair known as Candy Apples.  I live for that 1950’s drive-in movie music they play every time we head to Ohio.  And the cows.  I also live for all the cows.  I had no idea they were the official state animal.  Are they on the flag at the State House?  Does anybody know?

Since Cathy only has those same four boys on her team, the Apple TV Pyramid is a little anti-climactic.  Nick 2.0, Jalen and Gino were on the bottom.  Zack on the top.

The End.  Power down the plasma.

They were, of course, heading to Pittsburgh to get all up in Abby’s face and needed to get right down to rehearsing.

Nick had a Cirque du Soleil solo, Zack and Gino were doing a tribute dance to Anthony’s father who had just passed and the whole gang was sticking it to Lance Armstrong with a cycling steroid samba group dance.

It was right about here that everyone involved with the show seemed to suddenly go on the same cycle (…no Lance pun intended…) and everything just went total hot mess.

In Ohio, Anthony cried when he explained how much the duet meant to him.  He also felt that the boys were too wimpy and took them all to SWAT gym for a workout in a desperate attempt at CrossFit-ing the girly right out of them.

Jalen smoked the bootcamp course, but tiny Gino (…allegedly 24 hours out of ICU from bronchitis or a rash or something…) had trouble pushing 10 times his body weight across the astroturf and Dad Mickey went complete Helicopter Poppa on Anthony.

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Which in turn got loose cannon Hockey Dad Rick wound up tighter than an Atlanta Housewife poppin’ off her acrylics.

Watching the two of them go at it like Kim and NeNe was TV Gold.  You wanna go outside?  Let’s go, Bitch.  Kristie Ray would have been so proud.

Rick screamed and did some jazz hands for visual emphasis.  Mickey yelled and screamed so much that he almost sweat through his white Welcome Back Kotter turtleneck and flatlined next to his son.  Gino just cried and looked in his book bag for an inhaler while Zack’s Mom Gina questioned all her life choices since high school.

Nick’s Mom Donna kinda looks like Angelica Houston, by the way.

Back in PA, Kelly was oddly unappreciative that Paige had been given a solo and Brooke had just received a promotion, and somehow found a bazillion reasons to complain and hate Abby and publicly declare that she hoped the entire senior number flopped.

Which was all Jill needed to get on her case.  And then Jill went to snitch on her to Abby down at that sloppy front desk.  And then Kelly caught Jill gossiping about her as she came downstairs to use the bathroom.  And then Melissa finally looked up from her iPhone and got on everybody’s case.  And then Holly tried to chill everyone out.

And then Jill’s furry boots.  What the hell?

Back in Ohio, Cathy cried as she realized her entire team was imploding and that a few Dads may have some questionable loyalty to Canton’s Finest.  Rick and Mickey hated each other and continually got all junior high up in each other’s grill any time they were in the same room.

And then…Stop The Presses!  Gino and Maddie.  Sitting in a tree.

Yup.  Somewhere in all this mess it came out that Gino had kissed Maddie on the cheek at one of the previous competitions.  And that…OMG…they were texting and possibly sharing government secrets concerning choreography and nuclear warheads.  Kids today.

Then Jill and Kelly went another round or two.  And then somehow Christi took over and she and Kelly went completely balls to the wall.  Screaming.  Crying.  I hate you.  I hate you more.  I hate you Infinity.

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Since I didn’t have my spreadsheet prepared in time for this week’s episode, I kind of lost track as to when Christi actually went downstairs and talked shizzle right in Paige’s face.  But it wasn’t pretty when the whole thing was exposed.  Paige cried.  Maddie almost cried.  I swear, people kept crying and popping up behind that Mom Perch couch like it was a Punch & Judy puppet show.

Next thing you knew, Kelly AND Gino were looking for inhalers as they both hyperventilated themselves into near seizures.

There was a lot of crying.  Did I already mention that?

And as if your heart could take anymore, at some point during one of the senior group flash mobs, there was a quick glimpse of Original Recipe Nick Dobbs and Payton Ackerman…and the Twitterverse pretty much just exploded.  The internet crashed and at least 927 TweenyBoppers were air lifted to Pittsburgh hospitals clutching their cell phones, screaming that they wanted to have Nick’s baby.

I know, right?  He’s so dreamy.

Abby also set Brooke up on a date with Kevin Cosculluela, her partner from the senior group, and then the whole thing just got a little incestuous for my tastes.  You see, Kevin is Gino’s brother, so it was kind of like sleeping with the enemy, kinda sorta, except that they are only teenagers and that would be gross.

Luckily they only had a food fight, trashed a pastry shop and ended the date with Kevin throwing half-eaten cake into Kelly’s freshly detailed mini-van.

Dude.  You are so dying single.

To ensure that the whole thing just went complete Telenovela this week, Anthony’s duet rehearsal ended in everybody crying when two young boys couldn’t relate to the emotional angst of a grown a** man who doesn’t feel appreciated as a choreographer.

While we’re on the subject, Zack’s Mom could very well be one of the best soap opera cryers on television today.  Dab.  Dab.  Hold the tissue dramatically.

And seriously.  For all the hats that Anthony owns, you’d think he could find one that fit.

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Finally, it was Showtime!  They just forgot to tell the audience, because the place was pretty empty.

Everyone’s dances went well.  The ALDC duet was off the hook.  The CADC duet was pretty emotional, even though one of the boys appeared to be wearing Pee Wee Herman‘s old bow tie.

Naturally, Abby tossed out a little snark regarding the Candy Apples duet, which on VH1 would mean that she  just disrespected Anthony’s Momma’s Baby Daddy.  So it was on.

Nick’s solo somehow magically turned into Johnny Weir in a bird cage and got a big round of applause from Angelica Houston.

Back out in the hallway, Christi and Jill pretty much lunged at Cathy as she walked through with bicycle wheels and testosterone boosters.  More screaming.  More crying.

For some reason, Cathy felt that the other Candy Apple parents should have gotten into a pig pile rumble with the ALDC Moms right there by the lockers to prove that they had her back.  But they didn’t.

So…more crying.

The ALDC senior group rocked the house.  I will say that since I can’t even bend over to tie my own shoes in my new skinny Levi’s, I was pretty impressed with Kevin ‘s flexibility in those pants.  Relax.  Nothing pervy.  Just saying I may have to pick up a pair for the klub this weekend.

Then some kids won some stuff.  Google it.

Backstage, there was more crying in every camp.

Anthony lost his noodle a few times.  Cathy smelled at least one Mole in her army as Mickey snuck off to the ALDC room to break up Jill and Kelly’s screaming match and to ask Abby if she wanted Gino on her team.

Emotionally drained (…Spoiler Alert:  Candy Apples didn’t do so well this time…) Cathy disappeared down the hallway next to a room where they clearly teach Español Sign Making, and then it was over.

Two hours of crying.  Literally.

I’m physically and emotionally drained.

Where’s my Häagen-Dazs?

I don’t even need a spoon.

cow


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