DanThat'sCool!

Well.  It’s over.

Unless you have been on the Moon, or maybe unnecessarily distracted by that whole Presidential Election thing I saw on an iPad app, then you already know that human Muppet Ben Flajnik has fulfilled his contractual obligations and fallen in love.

That’s right.  He’s off the market, girls.

The Bachelor finished off what I believe was season #423 with Ben’s woodsy proposal to human WhackNoodle Courtney Robertson, as she giggled her way through what will probably be her final 15 minutes of fame.  (Except for the break-up stories, some scandal that will be all over the front cash registers at CVS and the potential of becoming the next Bachelorette, that is.)

As Ben and Courtney ride off into the sunset and the morning talk show circuit, we can’t forget all those who were trampled by Courtney in her relentless pursuit of Ben.

All the rejected.  The broken hearted.

All those back home, already updating their Facebook status to “single again” with nothing but memories and an empty bud vase to get them through the lonely nights.

But despite what the Mayan Calendar and Lindzi Cox’s diary may say…life goes on.

It will get better.

Gloria Gaynor, Lindzi and all the ex-Bachelor girls who came before her will somehow survive.

 I give you Post-Bachelor Rehab.

And then there were two.

Our boy Ben Flajnik has finally, painfully trimmed the herd down to just two potential brides.

Courtney Robertson and Lindzi Cox.

The Final Two.

Lindzi…who was no doubt intentionally misspelled by a Mom filled with aspirations that her baby girl might some day rule the crazy Toddlers & Tiaras Circuit.

And Courtney…who is just plain Cra-Cra crazy…and was apparently born to be the cover girl  for every magazine ever found in every hair salon waiting room in the Free World.

But just in case you may have had a job, or a life, and missed any of this season or the 15 that came before it…I give you 2 minutes to catch up.

Two minutes.

Everything you ever missed.

Literally.

As Ben emotionally proclaimed as he sent Nicki packing:  ”I cried a little bit today, I’m not gonna lie.”

Dude.  You’re not the only one.

As you can see, my oath to never discuss The Bachelor is working out really well so far.

When there is so much hot mess to sift through, it’s getting tough to look the other way.

Poor Emily O’Brien recently got the boot.  After going head to botoxed head with Courtney “Winning” Robertson for Ben’s affections, it was clear that not even Emily’s Gangsta Side could save her from elimination.

As a bon voyage tribute, please join me as we relive what is hopefully the only Epidemiological White Girl Rap in existence.

Disturbing as it is to view Emily’s attempts at spitting a verse, keep an eye on Ben and his standing ovation.

Seriously.  What was that?

That’s how Paula Abdul clapped on American Idol.  True dat.

Dude.  Man up.

TTFN, Emily….Hollah back, girl.