DanThat'sCool!

You might as well make things easier on yourself and start planning now.

And by planning, I mean creating a backstory for when you call in sick to work on Thursday, April 5th…because the Mother of all Guilty Pleasures is about to Glitter Bomb you in the face again.

Toddlers & Tiaras is baaaaack!

Well, almost.

Wednesday, April 4th, actually.  Just a few more weeks and then the show that you pretend you never watch and never talk about is pretty feeting its way back into your living room with a vengeance.

It’s going to be the Battle of the New Mini Divas as Paisley and Isabella face off after months of media smack talk and underage nightclub singing.

Paisley, best known for rocketing to fame by way of her now infamously uncomfortable Julia Roberts Pretty Woman hooker outfit, is hoping to have another cheese dip celebration with a shiny new crown on her head.

Isabella, best known for both talking s*** about Paisley to TMZ when they caught her over the holidays all freshly spray tanned (…and questionably/allegedly coached by Mom…) and skyrocketing to LMAFO “Sexy And I Know It” karaoke fame with an infamously uncomfortable video performance, is hoping to talk more s*** and score a big crown at the same time.

It’s Dramalicious.  And that’s only the kids.

Don’t get me started on the Moms.  Let’s just say you do NOT want to be caught in the same Walmart parking lot when those two Moms go shopping.  Ever.

Makenzie, Alana and the rest better watch their backs.  There are some new and returning faces looking to knock those oversized crowns off their heads.

No wonder Eden jumped ship to LOGO.

Trust me, Honey Boo-Boo Child…this is gonna get good.

High Five if you’ll be there.

And…why, yes…I am.  And I know it.

Thanks for asking.

Oh it is on, bitches.

Forget the Crips & Bloods.

Try the Moms & the Moms in a Guilty Pleasure Turf War.

This week on Anderson, as we witnessed the disturbingly mesmerizing transformation of four Toddlers & Tiaras Pageant Moms into Super-sized versions of their babies, an audience member unknowingly set the internet on fire.

While the kids were off stage eating sugar cubes and running with scissors, Anderson Cooper passed the mic to a member of his studio audience who meekly asked what the Pageant Moms thought of the Dance Moms.

That’s right.  Abby Lee Miller and the Dance Moms.

She went there.

And then they went there.

“They make us look good.”

And then the internet melted down.

Don’t make me choose between my guilty pleasures.  That’s like saying which child is your favorite.

This is getting good.

They’re Bigger.  They’re Badder.  And definitely Blingier.

This week, in a move that could only be described as both brilliant and yet terrifying, Anderson Cooper unleashed Costco sized versions of our favorite Toddlers & Tiaras Divas on his studio audience.

In an attempt to put the Pageant Moms through the same over the top metamorphosis that their daughters endure each weekend, my new hero AC sprayed, teased and BeDazzled the Moms into bigger and bolder versions of their moneyyyyyyy making daughters.

Much bigger.

The highlight of course, was Honey Boo-Boo Child Alana and her crazy, coupon clipping, Show Your Belly mom, June Shannon.

Sometimes I just love Reality TV so much that I think my head may explode.

I’m gonna need a double shot of Go-Go Juice asap.

“Bitch stole my look.”