Posts Tagged ‘Courtney Robertson’

The Bachelor: If They Gave Out Roses For Saying The Same S#*! For Sixteen Seasons. What You Missed All Those Years…In Under 2 Minutes.

Saturday, March 3rd, 2012

 

And then there were two.

Our boy Ben Flajnik has finally, painfully trimmed the herd down to just two potential brides.

Courtney Robertson and Lindzi Cox.

The Final Two.

Lindzi…who was no doubt intentionally misspelled by a Mom filled with aspirations that her baby girl might some day rule the crazy Toddlers & Tiaras Circuit.

And Courtney…who is just plain Cra-Cra crazy…and was apparently born to be the cover girl  for every magazine ever found in every hair salon waiting room in the Free World.

But just in case you may have had a job, or a life, and missed any of this season or the 15 that came before it…I give you 2 minutes to catch up.

Two minutes.

Everything you ever missed.

Literally.

As Ben emotionally proclaimed as he sent Nicki packing:  ”I cried a little bit today, I’m not gonna lie.”

Dude.  You’re not the only one.

The Bachelor: If They Gave Out Roses For Thinking You’re Gangsta When You Are So Not Gangsta. Hollah At Emily’s Awkward White Girl Rap, Yo.

Thursday, February 23rd, 2012

As you can see, my oath to never discuss The Bachelor is working out really well so far.

When there is so much hot mess to sift through, it’s getting tough to look the other way.

Poor Emily O’Brien recently got the boot.  After going head to botoxed head with Courtney “Winning” Robertson for Ben’s affections, it was clear that not even Emily’s Gangsta Side could save her from elimination.

As a bon voyage tribute, please join me as we relive what is hopefully the only Epidemiological White Girl Rap in existence.

Disturbing as it is to view Emily’s attempts at spitting a verse, keep an eye on Ben and his standing ovation.

Seriously.  What was that?

That’s how Paula Abdul clapped on American Idol.  True dat.

Dude.  Man up.

TTFN, Emily….Hollah back, girl.

The Bachelor: If They Gave Out Roses For Totally Faking Your Back Story And Getting On Magazine Covers. It’s The Courtney Dance ReMix.

Thursday, February 9th, 2012

 

This can’t be right.

A contestant on The Bachelor going on the show for fame and money…and not for love?

Shut up.

No way.  No one does that, right?  Who would do that?

Umm.  Courtney Robertson, maybe?

According to every magazine cover at CVS, our girl not only dumped her almost-fiance Cavan Clark to look for a more lucrative love connection on national television, she even auditioned for the show in a dress that Cavan bought her in a moment of pre-matrimonial delusion.

Now all poor Cavan has left is one of the best Movie Star/Comic Book Hero/Porn Star names ever…and a really good chance at a normal life free from that WingNut Courtney.

Count your blessings, dude.

And while you’re counting them, feel free to sing along to the Courtney Auto Tune ReMix.

If Ms. Robertson doesn’t find a full wallet and/or a lifetime of happiness, at least she has a future in faked out dance club tunes.

Put your glow sticks and roses in the air…and wave them like you just don’t care.


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