Posts Tagged ‘Dianna “Miss D” Williams’

Bring It!: Toto…pleez. Dana And Arthur And That Hair? Oh, My! I Don’t Think We’re In Jackson Anymore, Miss D.

Sunday, February 7th, 2016




If you want the truth, I didn’t even know it was Halloween. This is just my Saturday hair, yo. Hootie Boo!



tw1 (1)



MmmmmHmmmm. You know dat’s rite. I’m back and giving out Purple Nurples to all the haters.






Thank you, Lifetime, for finding a lady crazier than me. Now I can just be the Pretty One.






All I wanted was to find true love, get one of those damn roses and make Stand Battle Cuts.






Sucks to be you. Now just scoot along before a house falls on you and I steal those fabulous shoes.






Lawd, pleez…not that Tawantza again. If I could remember where I left my hair I would pull it all out.






I was pregnant for TWO years with my baby and that’s not even the craziest s*** on this show.





I mean…Hey, Boo!

Don’t be scared.  It’s just Halloween at the Dollhouse Dance Factory.

You heard me.  Bring It! was breaking it down and taking it all the way to SpookyTown this week at the Buck Up Or Fall Back Competition, which meant that we were all guaranteed enough tricks and treats to fill even the biggest Michael Kors candy bag.

Every weekend event is a big deal for Dianna Williams and her Dancing Dolls.  We know that by now.  But it’s an even bigger deal so when it’s a holiday spectacular and you’re going back up against your hometown rivals the Purple Diamonds.

The PDs.

Led by coach Shanika Lee and her aeropilates arms.  You see them biceps?

Dang, gurl.  You snapped back good after being pregnant for almost 2 1/2 seasons.

Shanika got it going on.  But that ain’t all.

In addition to capturing the Guinness world record for the longest gestation period evah and losing all her baby fat over the course of one weekend, Shanika had also somehow managed to steal two former Dancing Dolls away from the Dollhouse.

Dat’s rite.



…and ZaTia

za…were finally back on our TVs.  Yaaaaas!  We love them.

Where you been, gurlz?  Sup wid dat?

There are urban legends that go on for days about why Tamia really left the Dolls.

Everything from this to that and back again.  Kind of like Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster…some things will forever remain a mystery to mankind.

ZaTia, on the other hand, is a whole different story.  We know what happened there.

Her Mama is straight up crazy.

bring-it-dancing-dolls-for-life-right-psychma-L-GGuZvyStraight up.  From the bottom up.  From the basement to the penthouse.

With no elevator stops in between.

But we love her.  Mad love.

For her…and for everything that comes with being Tawantza.

Unfortunately, Miss D didn’t feel the same last season when she sent Tawantza and her crazy headband packing after one last sidewalk blowout.  Lucky for us, tho, Tawantza landed right on the doorsteps of the Purple Diamonds.

And the world will never be the same again.

You just hold that thought for a few more commercials, ‘kay?

This week, the Dolls would be competing in both Stand Battle and a Halloween-themed Creative Dance category, which was going to be the most elaborate piece o’ work ever attempted by Dianna and her team.

Spoiler Alert:  Glow In The Dark.  Like TRON.

tumblr_lhf06gps4m1qcsioio1_500But first, it was time to rehearse some choreography while the Mamas all filed into the seasonally decorated IKEA Showroom/Viewing Lounge.  Shoutout to Party Warehouse for the spooky ambiance.  Check’s in the mail.

Gotta say.  It was quite festive back there.  All thanks to New Mama Dana, who popped up from behind the cobweb covered cushions all like…

tumblr_njfofsUS6N1tfrqxeo1_500…but actually more crazy like…

da1…which made everyone else get all like…mYup.  She’s crazy.

Between the two teams, the Dolls and Purple Diamonds have had a long history of highs and lows…and booty slaps…if you count that one time the PDs spanked all their dignity away after snatching First Place from the Dolls.  Remember that?  Who does that?

Granted, it was almost worth it just to see the face that then-Captain Kayla made as it was happening.  But, really…who does that?  Please don’t ever do that again.

While the Purple Diamonds were busy working on a sisterhood-themed Stand that would highlight how they happily took two Dolls away from Dianna, the Dancing Dolls were ironically also working on a performance that would let the world know that once you’re a Doll…you’re always a Doll.

Hold that thought, too, while you check out this SideEye.


The other major players in this week’s competition were the Columbus Jaguars and their thirsty coach Arthur Harris, Jr.

Yup.  They’re baaaaack.

Arthur was the one who left that note on the door of the Dollhouse last time, talking smack about how the Jaguars were gonna eat the Dolls for lunch and blah to the blah to the blah.

If You’re Keeping Score Department:  After posting the note, the Jaguars got eliminated so fast in the First Round that they never even got to the table for that meal.  So you already knew they were coming at the Dolls with a hearty appetite this time around.

Srsly.  Now they were hungry AND thirsty.

If you’ve never had the pleasure of meeting Arthur, lemme break it down for you.

Take this little boy on the left from last year’s school uniform mailer, but buzz his hair and make his shirt more of a J.Crew pink…


…layer him up in a comfy sweater…

anigif_enhanced-1308-1392266233-1-1…throw in some of Morticia Adams‘ floral arranging skills…

b36d0d9dea2a38d0acb60ea81f985285…and then finish it off with this chick…

tumblr_inline_mnzv38f96S1qz4rgp…and you basically just built yo’self an Arthur 2.0…

roseWho.  We.  Love.

And it gets even better.  Because in lieu of an actual severed horse’s head, dude totally FedEx’ed a box of black roses to the Dollhouse with a ‘See You At Your Own Funeral’ note, which wasn’t scary or insane at all.

It was, however, enough of an excuse for the DDPs to host a mock funeral out back in the IKEA Lounge and allow my girl Tina to air out her scalp for a few minutes when she popped her wig onto fake-Arthur’s dead body during the service.

t1 t2This show.  I swear.  A billion heart emojis.


The next day was when the party really got started, tho.  F’real.

A DDP Halloween party!

Seloncé and Dana showed up as a Naughty Devil and Crazy CatLady, respectively.

dsTina high-kicked in as one of those lederhosen boys who always lose their passports and then black out during Oktoberfest.

tinaNo lie.  She totally came into the room like this…

oktSide note:  They do this upside down thing at Oktoberfest for some reason and I was totally hoping the DDPs might give a try, but realistically…with all those weaves…I knew it would just be asking for trouble.

tumblr_inline_nr63mzHtya1tvhb9c_1280Mimi even showed up in some kind of 50/50 combination getup that was half Tawantza and half skeleton in a monk’s hoodie.  I didn’t ask.

I just know that I love that lady too much sometimes.

You think she sleeps in that glitter eye liner?  Because that can’t safe.

mimiFashion Alert:  Seloncé and this hair wrap/scarf thing.  Mama knows she looks good.

2As the competition grew closer, more Dolls were cut from the Stand Battle.  Which didn’t sit well with Dana because, you know…the whole ‘FaithFaithFaithFaithFaith’ thing that has been going on since Day One.

Dianna eventually decided to add a second tier of girls back into the routine, but not until Dana swooped into the office to plead her case for Faith when nobody was looking.

Whether Miss D’s choice to put more dancers back on the floor had anything to do with Dana’s visit or not will always be another one of those Urban Legends that we’ll probably never know the answer to, but nobody cared as long as their kids were back in the spotlight.  So thanks, Dana.  Maybe.  Or not.

da2 (1) Finally, it was Showtime!

And time for my boy Jay-Z Fever For The Flava to grab the emcee mic again.

jfLooking Fly as always, the only thing square about this dude is that hanky that’s always hanging out of his suit pocket.  Let Jay Fever show you how it’s done, boys.

After letting his trusty side-kick Antwon McClain take over the reigns last week, JF was back in a grey suit and back in bidnezz.

Side note:  I would kill to cruise around town with Jay and Twon while they’re jamming to mix tapes.  You just know they got the beat dropping all like…

batman_robin_noddingJackson’s Dynamic Duo.

Speaking of.  Here’s another photo of Dana from the Halloween party that I forgot to show you.  Look at her just laying there waiting for Mimi to bring her some more snacks.

4110517-6917709471-catwoAs Dianna and Arthur bumped into each other in the back hallway, because…you know…the Weekly Back Hallway Bump, the DDPs were all getting situated in the bleachers in their second Halloween costume change of the episode.

Srsly.  Lifetime TV must have the same costume budget Cher has for her Vegas gigs.

Sister Tina was all settled in…


…judging and praying for everyone like a Boss as the smoke machine kicked in and the Purple Diamonds hit the parquet with a Michael Jackson Thriller-looking routine.

Bonus Points:  Awarded to Kayla for some crazy white jumpsuit situation Mad Scientist/Back To The Future/Skeletor/Colonel Sanders from the KFC bucket costume.

I don’t really know what was going on, but the goggles put her over the top when it came to sheer number of votes received.

The Columbus Jaguars were up next with a tribute to superheroes who killed zombies.

Or at least that’s what Dianna and I got out of the routine.

Not really sure what that was all about, either.

And then the Dolls hit…and lit…up the floor.  Just like the movie.

79ffc17cfa6daa02f6784a71169534e5.jpgtumblr_o23qnpu3Sf1tb8iyko1_500giphyCan you even tell the difference?  I don’t think so.

E’rryone went boinkers.

Did I forget to mention that Tawantza showed up?

Because that was kind of a big deal.

At least to her.

She showed up a’ight.  And she was all like That’sRightBaby


…and I’mBackBaby

…and MmmHmmYouKnowThat’sRightBabyt5…and even got all closeup in the camera like…

twGah, I love that NutJob.

I don’t know if she cut her hair, misplaced her hair or if it was just stuck in some car door out in the parking lot, but all that hip hop music and purple eyeshadow up in my grill just reminded me of the time Barney and Dora dropped it like it was hot on the playground.

30b7ba43e5c599bbe6ef54337965d038-1.jpg BarneyC’mon.  That was hilarious.

And then I think I passed out.

When I came to, it was the Dancing Dolls vs. the Purple Diamonds in the final round of the Stand Battles.  I guess they must have beat out everyone in the first two rounds.  I should check the DVR, because I don’t think Arthur got his wish.

Dianna had a couple of bootleg PDs which she utilized in the Dolls’ routine, pulling DD4L logo tee shirts over their heads while they were dancing.

Because, you know…Once A Doll, etc.

The Purple Diamonds, on the other hand, weren’t so nice.

At all.

Apparently, not only do they like to talk trash…but they are also more than happy to actually trash yo’ s*** when you’re not looking.  Literally.

No lie.  They took the Dolls’ uniforms and stomped the yard with them all over the floor before letting some lady wearing Beats by Dre sweep them right under the bleachers.



Not cool.  Not cool at all.

And to make it worse, the PDs can’t even cash their winning check to pay the Dolls’ dry cleaning bill.  Because they lost.  In both categories.


The Dancing Dolls came in First Place in Creative and Stand Battle!


And then it was over.

Everyone was happy.  Really happy.

Best.  Halloween.  Ever.

Now I gotta go.  I’m hitching a ride with Dana.



Bring It!: When Neva The Diva Shows Up For Homecoming, You Just Know Something’s Gonna Get Snatched.

Sunday, January 24th, 2016




How ’bout you start reading yo’ emails and then maybe you’d remember it was Krazy Hat Day.






Yaaas, Gawd!! Yaaas!! I finally flat ironed my hair in under 2 1/2 hours. Thank you, Jesus!






Imma need police protection when Neva realizes I stole this dress right outta her suitcase.



no (1)




That heifer better not get grass stains on my fringe while she’s down there. That ain’t cheap.






I keep telling Miss D you snatch a wig from the top, like this…but she never listens to me.






That lady yelling about cows got me so startled that all my damn cards are messed up now.







Aw Hell Nah. I know she did not just say ‘Heifer’ in front of all those little babies.




A Bring It! PSA:

Safety First, people.

Always Safety First.

You might want to put on your protective goggles and crazy hats this week.

Maybe even a little extra wig tape, too.  Cuz you never know.

And since we’ll all be staying up past our bedtimes, some of you might wanna slam a Red Bull before we get started.  We don’t want you dozing off in the middle of all the hilarity.

Trust me.  It gon git cray, yo.

This week, Dianna Williams and her Dancing Dolls were taking on the biggest, busiest, most hectic schedule in the history of the Dollhouse Dance Factory.


Not one.

dNot two.  Not even three.

But four.  FOUR Dancing Dolls performances in one week.

4Count ’em.

It was Homecoming Week at Alcorn State University and the Dolls had been asked to perform in the parade and half-time show.  A huge opportunity.  And one that Miss D couldn’t pass up for nuthin, cuz you know how Mama does love herself some white go-go boots marching down Main Street.

Performing at Alcorn State, a historically black college founded in 1871, was a great chance for the girls to not only get more exposure and experience, but to also just have some good ol’ judge-free FUN.

Sporting Side note:  The ASU Braves won the SWAC Championship two years in a row and also became the first SWAC Eastern Division team to repeat as champions.

So, yeah.  They deserve a parade.  #Back2Back, baby.

Non-Sporting Side Note:  Despite their athletic prowess, ASU can’t seem to get my computer to stop spellchecking Alcorn as ‘Acorn’ so I apologize in advance if I miss a typo and refer to this fine academic institution as a nut that squirrels hoard.cIn addition to Alcorn, the Dolls were also headed to the Touchdown to Buckdown Competition where they would be performing in both Field Show and Stand Battle categories.  With Special Guest Stars: The DDPs and Baby Dolls!

So, yeah.  Full plate.

And one which Mama Mimi attempted to discuss with new Captain Camryn as they drove across town to practice, but Cammie was totally just looking out the window at boys the whole time.  Am I wrong?  Look at that cute face and then tell me she didn’t just see a fine piece of sumthin out there. ♥

Sorry, Mimi…but I don’t think the ‘Boys Have Cooties’ thing is gonna work much longer.

And as if that grueling schedule wasn’t enough, the Dolls would also be coming face to face with there arch nemesis Neva McGruder and her Divas Of Olive Branch.

You remember Neva.

She’s a Diva, you know.

neva-is-the-diva-for-bring-it-lifetime-210-recap-2015Hold that thought, mmmkay?

Since the Dolls would be performing on a football field at the competition, it only made sense to rehearse on a football field this week.

Where Mimi wore this, of course.  Even though it wasn’t sunny.  Or raining.

But it was Mimi, so it doesn’t have to make sense.


Yup.  Just as crazy in the profile shot.

muOne.  When you’re eating your corndog at the State Fair and there’s no table in the shade, what’re you supposed to do?  It’s hot in Jackson.  Stupid hot.

Two.  When Global Warming finally kicks in and Mimi’s eyes are the only ones double-protected from a freak solar flair during an acid rainstorm while everyone else is running around cuz they weaves be getting wet…well…who’s laughing now?

Plus, look at all the beachy waves she was hiding under that NutJob headgear.

A girl’s gotta protect her investment, y’all.m2We love Mimi.  So hard.

And Tina, of course, whose shirt was all blurred out like it was nasty or something.


And Rittany, who’s still so It’s Rittany, Bitch that I have no words.

Two High Fives just for that hat, girl.  Doesn’t she look like she just found the first clue on The Amazing Race or something?

r (1)And don’t forget Selena, who was back to all her whacky Seloncé goodness this week.  If you like it then you should’ve gone insane on it.


This show.  I swear.  Dos horas, por favor.

Full Disclosure:  The Homecoming routines were all about the SWAC Style, which I totally had to Google.  But now with a few more youtube videos under my belt, somebody’s gonna have to watch my purse while I hit the dance floor this weekend, if you know what I mean.

Tina, Mimi, Seloncé and a few other Mamas were handpicked for the Field Show routine, which meant that Rittany, NaShumba and the Original Dancing Doll© Dana all got benched.

Dat’s rite.  Seloncé got picked.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-13381-1382393954-13We also got to see a flashback of Mimi’s Homecoming dress.  Please do enjoy.

mdAnd then Twitter broke when everyone started asking questions about Seloncé’s butt.  I dunno what to tell you about it.  I just know that it’s a good day for everyone involved when Selena Williams and the Kardashians get tagged in the same tweet.

anigif_enhanced-9413-1413203107-15_previewSame, honey.

With only 4 days to go, it was chaos.

Newbie Faith got cut from the Field Show, which made her cry in the car on the way home.  Which in turn made me sad.  She’s so freakin’ cute and just needs to get her Dancing Doll mojo on and then she’ll be fine.

A number of other dancers were also cut to trim the herd, since wonky lines and wiggly jiggly formations were the two critiques heard most often from all the judges so far this season.  The Dolls know their shizz, but sometimes having 247 of them on the floor at the same time…well, you get what you get.

Back out on the field a few days later, Seloncé was having trouble channeling her inner Beyoncé and Dianna wasn’t having it.

sjThe Baby Dolls were up way past their bedtime and getting sleepy.  The big girls were getting wonky again.  Everyone was bumping into each other.  It wasn’t pretty.

So Dianna pulled everyone to the bleachers and laid down some smack.  You know the s***’s about to get real when Mimi even takes off her umbrella hat, chile.

Kayla took the Battle Squad inside to work on their Stands while Miss D ran the rest of the crew through a special Neva The Diva routine that she had created for the grand finale.

It was gonna be Off.  The.  Chain.

Spoiler Alert: This might happen before the show is over.tumblr_nstiqbFzzD1rrlueeo5_400After a nice bonding moment between the Old and New Captains, everyone headed home to get some snooze.  It was gonna be a long haul for the Dolls this upcoming weekend.

Q.  Is it just me, or is Kayla’s hair getting bigger every week?  ckhI mean.  Chaka.  Chaka Khan.  Let me rock you.

She totally gets it from her Mama, tho.  (Kayla, that is.  I don’t know Chaka personally.)

Finally, it was Showtime!

First up was the Homecoming Parade, which they nailed.  When there are no judges and no scores and you can just do what you love to do in white go-go boots…it’s a guaranteed win.  The girls had So.  Much.  Fun.

Actual Unseen Director’s Cut Parade Footage:  Look at Rihanna making fun of Ariana Grande for trying to dance like Crystianna.

She wishes.


Bonus Points:  Tina’s ‘Straight Outta…’ shirt.  Boom to the Haters.

After a quick switcheroo into some pretty fly black & gold outfits, the Dolls wrecked the Alcorn Halftime Show.  Wrecked it.  That marching band was huuuuuuge.

Then finally, it was Showtime…Part Two!

And time for my boy Jay Fever For The Flavor Johnny Harrington V to get this party started in the latest threads from his line of comfy Logo Weekend Wear.  Once again, JDawg was decked out in school color signature @jayfever, looking like the cover of Vibe Magazine’s Year End Best Of issue.

Fashion Truth:  When your outfit matches the team mascot spray painted on the football field behind you AND the sparkly stuff in the corner of Tina’s eyeballs, then you know your fit’s on point.   Jay is da bomb.  Your argument is irrelevant.


First out on the field for the show were the Divas Of Olive Branch.  And Neva.

Who’s…you know.

neva-is-the-diva-for-bring-it-lifetime-210-recap-2015The rules stated that you could have anything up to…and including…farm animals as part of your Field Show, so Neva was part of the festivities.  And you can read into that as much or as little snark as you want, depending on how you feel about the DOB’s coach, keeping in mind that…

neva-is-the-diva-for-bring-it-lifetime-210-recap-2015Side note:  What was this lady doing with her tongue while Neva was giving the pep talk?


I love Neva.

Especially when she unleashed all that two-toned Diva Awesomeness like…


And just kept giving and giving Mardi Gras Realness…

ngp…until the internet had no choice but to post this beefy gentlemen online with so many hilariously inappropriate hashtags that you may have to tell the kids to leave the room for a few minutes while you Google it.

7b0a4ba79f2cf99395b56345e69ab8e8 She totally matched the box.  You can’t even make this stuff up anymore.

The DOB were followed by the Original Divas School Of Dance (…shoutout to that Big Gurl who owned the field!…) and then the Golden Prancerettes.  The whole thang was amazing.

And then the Dolls hit the grass.  With Seloncé and the DDPs.  Would she choke?  Would Tina have to pop the trunk on that (…allegedly new or old…) a**?  Because she totally threatened her with that one during the pre-game lineup.

I don’t think so.  Someone call Destiny’s Child, please.  Because my girl was on fiyah.

Seloncé walked out onto that field (…that’s Tina on the left, BTW…) all like…


And then got her hair outta the way all like…

tumblr_m1an1zJfud1r6bv6fo1_500And then leaned back like ‘LetsDoThisThing’…

spUntil the whole audience just went…


Side note:  Maybe they should dial down the sugar for some of these kids between routines.  That little green one doesn’t even know where she is right now.

Field Show?  Nailed.  It.

There were DDPs and Babies and full size Dancing Dolls running around that field like I don’t know what.  It was SmackYoMama good.  By the time Dianna took over and busted out  so many Death Drops that I lost count, the whole audience was pretty much… oprah_reaction_5Thank you sir, may I have another?

Since there was no locker-filled hallway to walk down this week, Neva and Miss D met up between some chain link chicken wire contraption that reminded me of those signs you always see at the the zoo that say ‘Don’t Stick Your Finger Inside The Cage.’

Because you shouldn’t.

nf1I mean.  Look at that.  I wouldn’t.

Stand Battle Round One:  Original Divas vs. DOB.  Olive Branch moving on to the finals.

Stand Battle Round Two:  Golden Prancerettes vs. Dancing Dolls.  Dolls moving on!

Which meant…drumroll…

Dancing Dolls vs. the Divas Of Olive Branch for the title!  And this is where it got good.

The DOB sent out some Raggedy Ann doll to get pushed around by the Olive Branch girls.  Get it?  Dolls taking a beat down?  I see what you did there, Neva Diva.

Side note:  You know the rules by now.  This is for show, kids.

Violence is never the answer.


Not to be outdone, tho, Miss D sent in the cops to bust up this party.


ddProgramming note:  At today’s performance, the role of Neva McGruder will be played by Makeup Guy Jay in full on, full face drag, bitches.  So you bettah werk.

j2I had a feeling Neva might not like this one.

tumblr_o1f3z8uVu31tb8iyko1_500Jay came out and did his best NevaDance to the hoots and hollers of the crowd.

Everyone was going straight (…a term I use loosely right now…) up bonkers.

Not Nerds.  Bonkers, hunty.

Jay twerked.  Neva freaked.  Jay booty popped.  Neva freaked.

And then Officer Williams came out to break it all up.

tumblr_o1f43lwQ4M1tb8iyko1_500She even snatched Jay’s weave.  I swear.

Just snatched it right off her head.


redhead_wigBy the time Jay ran off the field like I do before they turn on the fluorescents at Closing Time, I was done.  I don’t even remember what happened after that.

snI’m pretty sure the Dancing Dolls won everything, because I remember them putting all the trophies into the bus.  But I can’t be sure.

There was also one busted up trophy on the ground that I believe Neva threw in a fit of unsportsmanlike behavior.  Sore Loser, much?

Lawd.  This show.  Gimme a minute.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-4124-1383627162-25-1Yeah.  It was a good week for the Dolls.

Let’s do it again next time.



Bring It!: Even A Really Bad Week Will Eventually Get Better. You Just Need To Have Faith Faith Faith…And Faith.

Sunday, January 17th, 2016




I dunno who the hell that lady is behind me, but I don’t like the way she’s been looking at my globe.






Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack






I know if you don’t take that hand outta my face they gonna need to build one more pine box.






That woman ain’t shut up since she got here. She’s gonna scare all the dang ducks away.






Y’all don’t have to whistle every time I walk into the room. I know I’m gorgeous. E’rrybody does.







Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack






Why you always gotta be assuming I’m too lazy to do my hair? Maybe I just like hats.




Sing along if you’d like.


Sometimes you gotta have Faith.  You gotta have Faith.

Because you gotta have Faith.  Faith.

You gotta have Faith.  Faith.  Faith.

8iAELUQsUQDNCReally.  You do.

Just ask George Michael.

Or Dana.

Because, clearly, they’ve both been going on and on about it for years now.

But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, as we learned this week when Bring It! brought it to the Clear The Lane Competition.  Faith can be a good thing.

Side note:  Two notes, actually.

If I’m really so old that nobody else got that post-Wham! opening musical reference, then Dianna Williams and her Dancing Dolls aren’t the only ones who will be having a long Week from Hell.  Trust me.

And if I can’t get a job as the person who chooses the actual Toddlers & Tiaras names, I’d like to apply for the position of the person who comes up with these Set The Floor On Fire While You Burn A Hole In Yo’ Sweater Cuz You Weren’t Paying Attention To The Hot Iron battle names.

Because They.  Are.  A-mazing.

Just like this show.


After making a clean sweep in their first competition of the season, everyone was back in the Dollhouse Dance Factory and ready to get to work on the next one.

Crystianna‘s wonky knee seemed to be improving after sitting out last week’s solo, which was great news.  Aunt Rittany had been massaging and wrapping and heating and icing and ibuprofen-ing (…did I just make up a word?…) that thing for days now, to the point where she was even referring to herself in the third person as some new character on General Hospital that she made up in her head.

Paging Dr. Anderson to the ER.  Stat.

We have someone being petty, not pretty.  Bring a crash cart, some lipstick, that tee shirt right there and your sparkly pink phone.  Because you’re Instagram posts are the best.


We.  Love.  Rittany.

And Mimi.  And Tina.  And Selena.  And NaShumba when she talks.

I’m even learning to enjoy that new Mama Dana.  She cray.

And you know, I’m sure I would love those two other ladies who are always standing next to Miss D in the Dollhouse if I had a clue who they were.  You know who I’m talking about?

They just kinda showed up this season and nobody on Twitter seems to know who they are…not that I creep Twitter, I mean.  One wears a scarf on her head and the other one looks like she’s assisting Dr. Anderson in Pediatrics.

It’s like when Janet Jackson used to go on Good Morning America and always arrived with those two bad a** chicks walking behind her just in case anyone tried to snatch her purse while she was getting mic’d up.

5…4…3…2…1.tumblr_nopkv8AdC41qiohboo7_r1_400Like I said.  I have no idea who they are, but I’m pretty sure that neither you nor your child want to mouth off or act a fool around them.

Dianna Williams has an entourage now.  That’s just awesome.

At this week’s competition, the Dolls would be performing in both Creative With Prop and Stand Battle categories.  And Miss D wanted to make them BIG.  As in Life-Size.

The Creative Dance was going to incorporate 3 different styles of dance, all shoved inside a gigantic snow globe that had yet to be built.  What could possibly go wrong?

Ken’Janae would be busting out Hip Hop.  Crystianna would show them all how Jazz is done.  And the third style, Ballet, would be put up for auditions between Alyssa, Faith, Canary and Deaja.


Side note:  I’m pretty certain that I’ve misspelled at least 72% of these Dolls’ names over the last 3 seasons.  I apologize for not having a program to follow.  Macbook Pros are definitely not designed to spellcheck anything on reality television.

Especially Hip Hop Majorette teams and Full Glitz Pageants.  I swear.

This week’s competition would also bring them face to face with their long time rivals the Prancing Tigerettes again, so you already knew that in the time leading up to the event there would be plenty of scenes where Coach Quincy Oliver was being all Extra and threatening to bring down the Dolls and just generally getting all Quincy in our faces.


And there were.  Straight Outta DramaTown.  We love Quincy.

Since you’ve already seen the commercials and know that Faith ended up doing the Ballet section, we’ll move right along after giving Alyssa some props.

asIt was nice to see her get some camera time.  You go, #BuckingBarbie.

tumblr_nh7htcpevT1sme6zio2_500Before, during and after the auditions, all the Mamas were parked out back in the IKEA Lounge/Viewing Room getting their buttons pushed by Dana.

Lawd, geezis.  That lady does love to talk.

Especially about her daughter, Faith.

dFaith.  Her daughter.  The Ballet Tsunami Girl.

And for those of you who missed it:  Faith.

Who is adorbz, BTW.

Fashion Flashback:  In the midst of all the hilarity, Tina’s signature RedWig made a surprise guest appearance!  It was back!  But it wasn’t quite the original version we all cherished back in Season One.  You know the one.  The one that came with that bonus black velvet bow already attached to the hair before you even take it out of the bag…

tinaThis one was more like RedWig 2.0…

tAnd it was Sassy.

Look at my girl, all posing like it’s Senior Picture Day.  Sheeeoooot.  Dat’s what I’m talking ’bout, Miss T.  Excuse me?  What’s that?  What?

Sorry, I can’t hear you over all the hearts breaking.

Next, since there’s no such thing as too much Dana, we tailed her all the way back home so we could watch her try and put some ugly thug into her overly cute daughter.

You remember her, right?  Faith.  The Ballet Tsunami Girl.

Dana’s house seemed very nice, even though the only thing not completely blurred out in crime show post-production editing was an enormous artificial floral arrangement that I would have been completely ok with not seeing.

Dana does love to talk.  And shop at HomeGoods, apparently.

Gah.  We love this show.

And then it was Dana Hunting Season.

Or Rabbit.  Or Duck.

Or all the above, maybe.


Rittany showed up (…all matchy-matchy with her back wall and hair and hunting plaid thing going on…) carrying a bag of those L.L.Bean duck whistles for all the Mamas to blow every time Dana started quacking about her daughter.

I could already tell where this was going.  You might wanna cover your ears for a few.

r1In comes Dana…and sho’ nuff…

Faith.  Faith.  Faith.

Mimi was all like…QUACK!


And Tina was all like…QUACK!

tdcThen Mimi went back in for one mo’ QUACK!

mdc2And then even this guy got his QUACK on…

tumblr_msysrouaui1ql56ddo1_500I don’t even know what that means.

But nothing stopped Dana from talking, even after she figured out what wassup with the Mamas.  Nope.  She just kept quacking and quacking all around the room like…

funny-duffy-duck-looney-toons-animated-gif-11…until even this little guy was all like Shaddup Dana

funny-gifd-duck-gif-noQ.  Do I really have to ask for this show to be 2 hours long again?

And then Dianna got the call.

d.2tiffThe SnowGlobe Man couldn’t produce the snow globe in time for the competition.

Short Version:  They ended up having to go with three individual life-size plexiglass boxes, like you would use to display collectable porcelain figurines at Dana’s house.  And you totally know the ones I’m talking about.  They’re either dancing or hugging or holding up small children like the opening of The Lion King.

I wish we had enough time to go in-depth on the other ideas the Mamas had for replacing the snow globe, because just Selena’s Dance of the Snow Ribbons and NaShumba’s description of bibles coming down from the ceiling on invisible wires while Cirque du Soleil clowns rode on unicycles made me wish this show was 3 hours long.

Mimi.  Toot your CrazyHorn one mo’ time, pleez.

mdc2Finally, it was Showtime!

And time for my boy Jay Fever Johnny Harrington Carrington Paddington V to return to his rightful position as Host and Emcee of these shindigs.

JDawg was back, yo!

Not that my new boy Antwon (…I call him ‘Twon’ now, cuz we tight…) McClain didn’t nail the stand-in job last week.  Cuz he did.  And he didn’t put out a cease & desist order on me when I mistook him for Luther Vandross.  That was appreciated, lemme just say.

But this week Twon was off accepting an Espy Award for the most tackles in a Super Bowl game or something, so Jay was back in the driver’s seat where he belonged.

And looking pretty fly with his bow tie and pocket square and lapel pin, I must say.

It was a Fashion Trifecta.  FYI:  Real Men Wear Pink.

And you know that judge on the right was liking it.  A lot.

What’s she looking at down there?  Gurl, ya nasty.

jpOh, yeah.  Mama likes.


 True Story:  The longer Jay stood in front of the desk, the more she got all like…

tumblr_mpqou9RwXO1s6vxf2o1_500Oh, JDawg.  You Dog.

The Divas Of Dance were first out with their Creative routine.  It involved pistol whipping and so much violence that I thought I was watching CNN for a moment.  It also didn’t get very high praise from anyone due to the current gun situation in our world right now.

Not sure what they were thinking.

The Prancing Tigerettes crawled out next with some kind of jungle themed production number that had so much going on with the props in the background that I don’t remember much except that one girl dressed up as a lion.

And then it was Faith’s time to shine.

fBallet at a Hip Hop competition?  That’s just crazy pants.

But she nailed it.  And it was important to Dianna that she expose her girls to as many styles of dance as possible.  There’s a whole big world out there waiting for them someday and she wants to prepare them as best she can.

Bcause that’s what she does best.  I heart Miss D…

Fashion Flashback:  …and Miss D’s sparkle pants.

giphy-1Now, I know.  They didn’t really look anything like anything in this video.  But something about them reminded me of this dance.  Plus I like this video.

And it’s my blog.  And let’s be real…theres no such thing as a bad time for Hammer Time.

Or Stand Battle Time!

seRound One:  Prancing Tigerettes vs. Dancing Dolls.  The Dolls take the win and move on to the finals.  Quincy had a QuincyMoment.  Remember when he wore this one time?


Round Two:  Dancing Dolls vs. Divas Of Dance…all five of them.

What?  It’s a lot easier for a small group of girls to maintain tight lines and transitions.

Uh oh.

Both groups got it done, tho.  They left it on the floor, as the saying goes.

And then it was Trophy Time!

Creative Dance:  The Dolls TIED with the Prancing Tigerettes for First Place.

Hold up.  Say wha–?  In the Real World, I guess there was a tie-breaker Captain’s Solo thingamajig that they didn’t show in the TV World, which is unfortunate because I love seeing Coach Cammie in action.  But it’s a TV show, after all.

Speaking of, tho.  Can you believe that this young lady…

c…used to be this little niblet just a few years ago?

c2-1That’s as crazy as that red bow.  Where does the time go?

And then the Dolls came in Second Place, losing to the Divas Of Dance in the Stand Battle.  Not cool.

But it’s ok, because it’s not always about winning.  It’s about learning and growing and improving and coming back even stronger next time.

Because you’ll never win everything in Life.

That’s why they call it Life.

Naturally, the coach for the Divas Of Dance gave one of those thirsty ‘We Didn’t Even Know Who The Dancing Dolls Were’ speeches to her team and camera crew after the win.

Dancing Dolls Who?  Never heard of them.

Yeah.  Ok.

baby_failAnd then it was over for another week.

Back to the Dollhouse, y’all.

After this, of course…

tumblr_mhiparIN2K1qhansmo4_400True dat.

tumblr_nk33qnP7Zn1tb8iyko1_500Honk us outta here, Tina.



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