Posts Tagged ‘Dianna “Miss D” Williams’

Bring It!: Time To Spill The Tea On The Season Finale Battle Royale. Let’s All Get Caught Up With A DD4L Mash-Up.

Sunday, April 3rd, 2016




Lemme just rinse out this new weave real quick and then I can get started on the spaghetti.






One more person calls me Traci and I’m gonna unleash my Inner NeNe so hard on them…







I don’t know what she’s cooking in there, but it’s sure burning my eyes.






That’s a nice story, but Imma need you to pick up the pace a little so I can get back to the X-Men.















I got y’all new Team Cammie shirts…and only 5 dollah each! That new butt ain’t paying for itself, yo.






WhatDaHell? None of this even makes any sense. Who keeps reading this s*** every week?





I know.

Slow yo’ roll, people.


I’m a little late to the party this week.

But it ain’t my fault.

Blame it on whoever decided to air the Bring It! Season Finale Battle Royale episode on Easter Weekend.  Really?  On a holiday?  What was that all about?

Some of us were busy.

52eb67ad77bb9345ba22a3d49e949fdb87b639e9d0ac4aa9926e5bfb7edd2d3cBut we’re back now.

And ready to be traumatized by something other than Giant Bunnies.

Like the Battle Royale.  And the Spilling The Tea Reunion Show.

And maybe even a little booty popping prequel to Atlanta Plastic.

So, yeah.  We got a lot of ground to make up.  And cramming and scrambling three shows into one recap to get you all caught up?  What could possibly go wrong?


This is gonna be a hot mess, I can already tell.

So to speed things up, let’s address all the elephants in the room (…in no particular order…) before we even begin.

1.  Vivica A. Fox‘s hair on the Reunion Show.

vvtumblr_n66vtcuJQW1swdsh3o2_500I love Vivica.  Especially ever since that episode of Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen when she totally came for 50 Cent and then was all like…

26770272SEMYou see that?  Youtube it.

But her hair this week?  Let’s just keep it 100, mmmkay?

x-men-stormShe put on that Mutant Wig and Twitter came for her like she was Halle Berry.sentinels stab storm xmen2.  The Divas Of Olive Branch Coach Neva McGruder was inexplicably MIA from the Battle Royale after all the drama following Horsegate.

neva-is-the-diva-for-bring-it-lifetime-210-recap-2015But she did manage to show up for the Reunion Show wearing all the same necklaces again.  You think she sleeps in those things or nah?

nm3.  Mimi‘s flat a**.


mb4.  Traci Young Byron‘s face every time she she’s Tyrus Paris wearing her old hair. hairstyle-traci-step-it-upOk.  They didn’t actually show it, but you just know she was home on the couch in her pjs and Converse platforms looking at that Elite Starz Of Nashville Coach all like Really?traci-young-byron-outrages-step-it-up-fans

5.  I love this show.  To Infinity & Beyond.

And now you see how we’re playing it this week.  So good luck.


With only a few days to go before the Battle Royale, Dianna Williams and her Dancing Dolls were hard at work creating routines which they hoped would finally score them a First Place trophy.  After losing out at the previous two finale competitions, Miss D was determined to bring home the top prize this year.

And this time around, the competition was stiffer than ever.

The Dolls would be going up against the Infamous Dancerettes, the Prancing Tigerettes and the aforementioned Elite Starz Of Nashville.  All strong teams.

With equally strong and over-the-top coaches.

John Connor and his ID gurlz had beaten the Dolls once before.

And Quincy Oliver‘s felines were now led by new Captain Princess, who clearly woke up every morning already in Beast Mode.

Check out Quincy looking all L.L.Bean.  They’re even open on Christmas Day if you want to snatch that look for yourselves, FYI.


The Battle Royale would be broken down into two categories:  Stand Battle and Solo.

And that solo would count for 50% of a team’s total score.  Which is a lot.

So it was no wonder that Captain Camryn and my girl Mimi were straight out stress bags as the competition grew closer.  Cammie just wanted to make her Mom proud and I just wanted to give her a hug so she’d stop crying.

You got this, Peanut.

ccTo ensure a win, Dianna was pretty much bringing the whole damn Dollhouse to the competition.  Literally.  E’rrybody was getting packed into the Uhaul this week.

The Dolls.  The Babies.  The Boys.

Even 10 foot tall foam core letters that spelled out ‘C.A.M.R.Y.N’ with an ‘8’ in the middle had to be bubble wrapped and put on a flatbed, because the solo theme was all about Camryn being the 8th Wonder Of The World.  So…duh.

Sidetone:  This bow is actually the 8th Wonder Of The World.  But nobody asked me.

d04f48b9cdc0f8ea6fe62e1e023a9842After a quick scoot to Nashville where we got to watch Tyrus and his girls throw some shade doing the Miss D Weave Pat…

pat-your-weave…we were back in the IKEA Viewing Lounge patting Mimi’s non-existent a**.

ReWind:  I love this show.  To Infinity & Beyond.

In what was clearly going to be the most eagerly anticipated network crossover since Supergirl and The Flash came face to face, Mimi was taking her Award Winning DDP pancakes across town to Atlanta Plastic to pump up the jam as soon as a Battle Royale winner was crowned.

mimiDat’s rite.  Papa’s got a brand new bag.

And now Mama’s getting two scoops…no cone, please.

UnknownQ.  But what size bootay to get?

That was the question.  And one that we’ve all faced at some point in lives I’m sure, whether it be in the plastic surgeon’s office or at the club after too many beers.

Luckily, Seloncé showed up with a bag full of fresh veggies and produce that everyone stuffed down their pants like it was some kind of Farmer’s Market Twerk-Off in the hopes of determining which cheek was just right for Goldilocks.

buttsSide note:  My other girl Tina may or may not have outed Seloncé’s new amped up assets during the festivities.  We all thought things looked a little more robust back there this season, but it had never been fully addressed on camera until Tina blurted it out.


I don’t think any of us were ready for all that jelly this week.

34b65f439d3cdbff6c29f39ad537a3bd.346x261x26 Or this.

jjWhich has nothing to do with anything, but it gives me #LIFE every time I see it.

I swear that picture needs its own theme song.

With only 3 days to go, the focus was on Camryn’s elaborate solo routine, which was going to incorporate African, Lyrical, Hip Hop AND Majorettes moves.

Which, if we’re being honest, is how we all dance at 2am closing time.  Am I right?

Hakuna Matata.  Now tip your waitress and stop being so messy.

Speaking of.  Jumping ahead a little (…after Mimi got her new butt…) Tina followed her to Atlanta for some new Ma-tatas.  Which is now officially the most awkward segue I’ve tried to slip past you guys in all the years I’ve been writing this mess.

Moving on.

To Mimi’s house.


Which reminded me of this house.

Original Brady Bunch HouseWhich is the Brady Bunch house.  Which has nothing to do with anything again.

Before You Try It Dept.:  This is me when people start talking trash about Miss D…


Mimi’s house.

Cammie was practicing her solo in the middle of the living room while Mimi was doing who knows what inside a giant lobster pot on the stove.

What was that all about?  Nothing went in.  Nothing came out.  She just kept sticking her hand in it like there was a prize down there or something.

Mimi.  I swear.  It’s like I always say…


And then Sunjai came home!!!

sjYAAAAS!!  Seloncé’s college gurl came home on Break to perform with the Alumni at the Battle Royale.  We love Sunjai.  And miss her a lot.  DeSales University got a good one when they handed her that scholarship.

sssBut she was back for a few days.  And I think she’s the one driving Star and Sky to practice, though I can’t be sure.  Are they all wearing the same glasses now?

How do they even know who’s who at Thanksgiving?

Regardless, Sunjai was going to be back in the spotlight with Kayla and three other Dancing Doll graduates during the final Stand Battle and you just knew they were gonna burn that floor up when they hit the parquet.

The Original Recipe Dolls back in action!


Finally, it was Showtime!

You see those poor little Baby Dolls struggling with their giant duffle bags?  One of ’em straight up fell over.  Why ain’t nobody helping them?  They’re like 2 feet tall.

bbdAnd the Dancing Doll Dads all showed up, too. DDD in the house!

dadsEven Faith‘s Dad, Dominic was in the bleachers.  He was a slow sell on this whole dancing thang at the beginning, but now he’s his daughter’s biggest fan.

Check out her Mama Dana all cleaned up…

dd1When you got a Reunion Show at 6 but you’re hosting the Grammys at 8.  Dang, gurl.

Needless to say, the crowd was going boinkers before the show even started.

Screaming.  Yelling.  Cheering.  Swinging around all their arts & craft signs like a Trump Rally.  Even people who didn’t have live babies to hold up over their heads brought fake ones just to wave around in front of the cameras.


Mimi even brought everyone matching #TeamCamryn t-shirts, but apparently had retired the giant Cammie Head-On-A-Stick that I had been so looking forward to the entire episode.  If they’re not gonna use that anymore, I want it.


And then it was time for the Battle Royale, bitches.

But not before the prerequisite hallway encounter, of course.  Rules are still rules.

Quincy had traded in his hunting camo for some transitional J.Crew layers.  Tyrus was so Fierce that I forgot what he was wearing.  And John finished up the Boy Band trio like it was 1990 all over again.  What is even happening on his head?


qDianna’s face, tho.

dwAnd then my boy Jay’s Giving Me A Fever Johnny Harrington V took center stage to host one last shindig before the mid-season break.  Looking pretty fly, Doctor.

jf3Flashback:  Do we need to talk about this Season One hair for a few minutes?

emcForm a single line, ladies.  There’s plenty to go around.

First up in the Solo category was the Elite team, who got all Stars Wars on our flat a**, followed by the ID girls who were kinda sorta doing an ’80s thing, I think.

On the other hand, Princess and the Prancing Tigerettes were on fi-yah with their jungle theme, gotta say.  Even the DDPs were all like Whooaaa.


But Camryn’s solo was when the bomb really dropped on that floor.

Her costume was In.  Sane.



And she nailed it.

Mimi cried.  Daddy Calvin cried.  Dianna cried.  Every last Dancing doll cried backstage after she finished her routine.  I cried.  The people downstairs under my apartment even cried because I had the damn TV so loud.

c3Camryn  Got.  It.  Done.

And then a couple thousand Twitter haters deleted their accounts.

Last up was the Stand Battle category.

Round One:  ID vs. the Prancing Tigerettes.  PT for the WIN.  John for the Sore Loser.

“We was robbed!”

Round Two:  Dancing Dolls vs. Elite Starz.  Tyrus brought out a bunch of boy dancers and a Fake Tyrus and another Fake Dianna that totally pushed all the Real Dianna’s buttons, just like he wanted.

Dolls for the WIN.  Duh.

And then it all came down to the Dancing Dolls vs. the Prancing Tigerettes in the final battle.  And it was Off.  The.  Hook.

Did you see Dianna’s boy do that thing where he was just balancing on his head before going into a full-on face plant?  Shut up.  That was nuts and your arguments are all irrelevant now.  If I didn’t have such a big noggin, I’d be all over that move.

Quincy brought out his Teenie Tigerette Babies and felt really good about Life until the Dolls unleashed their own Dancing Doll Babies and Dancing Doll Alumni and a Dancing Doll clown car full of Dancing Dolls who just kept coming outta that back door like some kind of Dancing Doll Vegas magic act.

Poor guy was all like…Whaaaa?


Look at Sunjai walking out there like I do first day in my new Zumba class gear.

tumblr_o4m003c9eD1tb8iyko1_500Dude couldn’t even breath.

His face got as pink as Dianna’s dress right there.

Which was as pink as the feather fan Neva brought to the Reunion Show to try and cool herself down when Miss D popped off on her for bringing up her past in a Stand Battle.

tumblr_o4z2k4NGG01tb8iyko1_500Truth:  When your feathers match the Nashville coach’s hair chalk, then you know your Reunion Show Fan Game is on point.  Look at that poor thing.  She can barely breath.

Which is probably because Dianna called her out for that Horse Face routine she pulled the last time she was on the show.  Turns out we missed the part where a pimp was making it rain dollah dollah bills all over that horse, yo.

Yeah.  She went there.

And then Dianna went there.

dw1Lawd.  I just ’bout pulled another Elmo when she started in on Neva.

giphyBut anyway.

The Battle Royale.

First Place Solo:  CAMRYN!!

Battle Royale Winners: From Jackson, MI…the DANCING DOLLS!

Freaking.  Finally.  They won!!!!

And everyone went crazy like…tumblr_o4m05vJhRI1tb8iyko1_500And…tumblr_o4z2gcfXD61tb8iyko1_500And…94122-emotionless-spelling-bee-winne-DHa0And…

PCH-1230b…even though the check was only for $5,000 and not 10 Million.  But that’s still good.

And then it was over.  For now.

The Summer Season was just around the corner.  Less homework.  More practicing.

But first, Mimi had to go see a Man about some Silicone and then everyone had to put on their fancy clothes, get their face beat and hit up the Reunion Show.

Okay, ladies.  Now let’s get in Formation.

xmenI know, right?  All the Marvel Comics wigs at once.

x-women-x-men-women-7096518-1600-690I can’t stand how much I love this show.

Battle Of The Bling:  Check out Vivica and Tyrus.  You’re in my light, Boo.

12556132_208193209529005_52620956_nSeloncé knows she looks good.  MmmHmm.

tumblr_o4z260IBkY1tb8iyko3_500Check out Storm throwing a lightening bolt at Magneto.

tumblr_o4z2i1EQ791tb8iyko2_500And Rittany skeet shooting imaginary ducks with her imaginary rifle.

tumblr_o4z2i1EQ791tb8iyko1_500And my favorite part of all:  When I called into the show and asked Dianna if I write the best Bring It! recaps in all of the internet.

tumblr_o4z28m9Sne1tb8iyko1_500I swear.  That really happened.

It was at the very end, which is probably why your DVR didn’t catch it.

But it happened.

Right, Mimi?

mshOkay, then.

Time to go.  See you in the Summer, suckahs.


Bring It!: The Divas Of Olive Branch Are Back And Neva The Diva Wants To Get Even, So No More Horsing Around.

Sunday, March 13th, 2016




Well, if I knew they was all giving out prizes every time you take off your hair…Hell, yeah.






I know you better get all that outta my face before you get all of this in yours.







Gurl…pleez. If one more horse comes outta that bathroom, Imma get back on the bus right now.








Aw. Hell. Neigh.








I did not put on my good suit to watch a talking horse and some dude in a pink tutu throw down.







Whatever you got in that bottle, I’ll take some. And hit me up hard…it’s gonna be a long night, Boo.






Oh, I know we’re not gon’ play this damn Heifer Game again. Don’t make me have a cow right here.




Dat’s right, heifers.

She’s baaaack.  And ready to Bring It!

Divas…and livestock…to the dance floor, please.



Q.  How much do we love Neva McGruder?

A.  So much.  Too much, really.  Cuz you know when the blinged-out coach for the Divas Of Olive Branch shows up on your screen, she’s gonna be even more Extra than that Sunday newspaper you have to hold with both hands.  And we love her for it.

And this week’s episode was no exception.

But let’s not put the cart before the (…Spoiler Alert!…) umm…you know…


…and start at the beginning.

With only 2 weeks to go before the Battle Royale, e’rrybody’s nerves were already frazzled down at the Dollhouse Dance Factory.  The last round of solo cuts were looming on the horizon, which meant that either Camryn, Crystianna or Makyah would soon be carrying the responsibility of 50% of the Dancing Dolls‘ total score at the finale.

No pressure at all, right?

Add to that some fresh, new Stand Battle choreography and trying to find time to study for the upcoming State testing…it was no wonder that the girls were a little stressed out on the ride over to the Dollhouse.

Side note:  How can photos beamed back to Earth from the Mars Land Rover be clearer than Skype calls and automobile video?  How is that even possible?  And where did Mimi‘s chandelier rear view mirror air freshener go?  That thing was crazy pants.

We love Mimi.  Muah.

mimiBack at the Dollhouse, as Dianna gathered up all the girls for this week’s low-down, the Mamas were already out back in the IKEA Viewing Lounge doing what they do best:

Being Whacky.

And thanking the Academy, of course.

dDat’s rite.  My girl Tina was awarded a special trophy for Best Wig Snatch Ever, presented by The Original Dancing Doll© Dana, who handed the thing over like she was some kind of freakin’ Heidi Klum at the Kids Choice Awards.

Look at Tina.  She’s crazy.

hydotumblr_nd5078RWco1tfn6k7o1_500Bonus:  Here’s an actual screen shot of Tina accepting her award.

liv_dollThank you.  Thank you very much.

As all that hilarity was ensuing, Miss D was back in the Dollhouse revealing that a former Golden Dazzlers‘ dancer was now on the payroll as Assistant Coach Number I Don’t Know What.  Really.  What number are we up to now?  I forget.

Number 4, maybe?  I dunno.  It would be nice if Dianna introduced those other ladies who are always standing around before the show goes on hiatus.  Just saying, girl.

Chop Chop.

But regardless of his employee ID#, Andre was in the hizzle now, yo.

a5And now Kayla was all like What The What?

kj Wasn’t that her job?

At least according to Tina, who got a little salty and compared Andre to a Side Chick.

Trivia:  Which was a line in a Pointer Sisters‘ song.

Cuz I Betcha Got A Chick On The Side.

57_1Certainly a lot going on in that picture.

tumblr_lzqrvrRLlm1qamyq8o1_500The Circle of Life.

This week, as we already learned, the Dolls would be going up against the Divas Of Olive Branch, as well as the Dazzling Diamonds, Virtuous Divine and the Girls Who Have Never Even Heard Of 45rpm Records OR The Pointer Sisters And Just Made Me Feel Old.

As you’ll recall, the last time the Dolls came up against the DOB (…or is it DOOB?…) the whole thing quickly escalated into one big drag queen/you’z a heifer/wig snatch/police raid circus that resulted in Neva throwing her trophy on the floor and losing her nutty.

That Heifer tryna BE me!

nBonus Points:  To whoever that dude is in the hoodie giving SideEye.  He’s my new Spirit Animal.  I never get good photobomb opps like this guy.  And you know when he went out after filming with his boyz he was all like You Shoulda Seen This Crazy Bitch Poppin’ Off…

neva-is-the-diva-for-bring-it-lifetime-210-recap-2015My bad.  I stand corrected.  Love her.

This week the Dolls would also (…Spoiler Alert: or maybe not…) be performing an Around The World Creative Dance based on Dianna’s love of Chinese Food.

Because she said that.  And because Chinese Food makes you hungry again in one hour.

Side note:  I’m pretty sure that Kayla likes her Chinese Food more than she likes seeing Andre take over Stand Battle Choreography, because she made this face a few more times before it was all over.

tDeep down, KJ knows that Miss D only does what’s best for the team and her employees, but that don’t make it any easier to watch, I’m sure.  Kayla is bae, BTW.

And I like her hair better when it’s straightened, if anyone’s asking for my opinion.

kj1The next day, Tina couldn’t stand it anymore and went into the Dollhouse to confront Dianna regarding Andre’s place on the corporate ladder.  She was feeling some type of way and Mama’s got to protect her cub, even where her cub ain’t a cub anymore, right?

I’m pretty sure Tina also put on her glasses so Miss D wouldn’t punch her in the face.

d2Needless to say, that discussion went well.  Bye, girl.

With only 2 days to go, the Chinese dance was hot mess soup.  Half the girls were always missing due to their studies, so Dianna was  constantly playing catch-up every time they tried to run the number.  And that was making her extremely agitated.

And the Mamas extremely hungry.

Lucky for them, Mimi brought in a big ol’ Rubbermaid bin full of Food From Every Nation.

Like the bins you use to store your Christmas decorations in when you take down the tree, but it was full of burritos and egg rolls instead.

That new J.Crew Mama still thinks these ladies are insane, but she’s not gonna turn down free grub.  No ma’am.  She was waving her arms in the air like she was at a Mardi Gras parade.  Throw me some beads.  And those wings while you’re at it.

tamI think we like her a lot now.

As the snacks were flying around the room, Kayla made this face a few more times…


…and this one…

tstr…and then apologized to Miss D for her Mama getting all wound up over Andre.

It’s all good.

We also took a quick road trip to Rittany and Mimi’s homes to watch their daughters prep for the final solo auditions.  Both girls are straight up amazing and are both more than worthy of a solo, but all that really mattered was that big heap of trophies on the floor next to Mimi.  That heap right there.  By the Grecian urn end table.

mcDaHell?  Those things were piled up like she was handing ’em out to trick-or-treaters.

Mimi = Love.

With only 24 hours to go, the Creative Dance was still not working.  Half the girls were studying.  Half the girls were messing up the choreography.

And half of Makyah’s legs were hurting.

Uh oh.  She was favoring one leg.  One day before competition.

Safety First:  Makyah was out of the running for the Battle Royale solo.

ccWhich meant that Crystianna and Camryn went head to head for the final cut.


Camryn for the Win!  Boop!

cmBut don’t you worry about Crystianna.  Her time is coming.  Rittany knows it.  Dianna knows it.  And I know it.  That girl is coming out of her shell like a Boss.  You just wait.

Bonus Points:  For Rittany, who totally supported Camryn.  I love how they all have each other’s backs.  Especially each other’s kids.  Nobody loses on this show.

Finally, it was Showtime!

And time for my boy Jay The Slayer Fever Johnny Harrington V to insert his vintage kitchen napkin pocket square and get the party started.

jf2Jay is the bomb.  The Neutron Bomb.  Google it and you’ll get the joke.

But can we talk about these judges first?

jsI mean.  Is it just me, or…?  Here’s another shot of them.

17a5952979a7ca3aba172f385ffadedfAnd here’s two of them hogging the spotlight between Stand Battles.  Like they couldn’t have waited until the third one got out of the bathroom.

maxresdefault-1And here’s all 3 of them together again, doing the half-time show with JayDawg.

Dreamgirls-Marriott-Theatre-Jimmy-and-Dreamettes-2Did you know they even sell Limited Edition Judge Dolls out in the lobby?

Because they do.  And you can tip their heads side-to-side like OhNoYouDin’t.

2007dghomeHow much do we love this show?

Subliminal Messaging Dept.:  While Dianna was giving the girls a pep talk, there was one of those How-To CPR posters right behind her head.  Just in case, Neva.  Just in case.

And Sunjai was back!!!  Yay!  Baby Girl was back from college with her sisters!

Look at them all together posing like Seloncé‘s backup dancers.


Oh.  And Neva showed up on one of those light-up hoverboards from Amazon.

r r2 r1No lie.  Somebody had to run out back and rip that CPR poster off the wall when Rittany saw Neva enter the building.  She be rollin’.  Hard.  And she almost put Rittany into cardiac arrest doing it.

And then it was really, finally Showtime.  After a surprise announcement that the Dolls would not be competing in the Creative Dance Category.

mfHot.  Mess.  Soup.

Told you so.

Virtuous Divine was first out with a bunch of Parisian mimes, followed by the St. Louis Dazzling Diamonds and their literal ALL around the world routine.  Literally.  I think the only thing missing was New Jersey and the country that manufactures shirts that are always too small.

Neva and her Divas followed that extravaganza with their own butterfly encrusted Asian sumthin sumthin.  Dianna was kinda sorta wishing that she hadn’t cut the Dolls’ number after seeing that one go down.

dpAnd then Dianna and Neva met up in the hallway.  Because you know the rules.

Neva tried to give Miss D a BeDazzled cross to ward off Sparkle Demos and Glitter Ghouls and then couldn’t get it back into the gift bag.  You notice that?

And then she did this…

dn2And then Dianna did this…

hAnd then all this went down…

dn1 dn6tumblr_o3wcsckhrK1tb8iyko2_500Until they both ended up all like…

Dynasty Alexis Crystal fish pond fight002

Ok.  That last part might not be true.  There was no koi pond at that campus.

But you gotta admit it’s ironic that they’re wearing the same colors.

Next up…Stand Battle Time!

Round One: Dancing Dolls vs. Virtuous Divine.  Dolls moving on.

Round Two:  Dazzling Diamonds vs. Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.

Power Of: Olive Branch!  You see those costumes?  Lawd ha’ mercy.

giphy-2Final Round:  Dolls vs. DOB.

And that’s when the horse s*** really hit the fan.  F’realz.

The DOB brought out a Dianna Williams horse getting all #HorseFace up in Neva’s face…


And then the Dolls brought out #DragNeva doing whatever this was…

tumblr_o3wcq6HkUT1tb8iyko2_500And it just went on and on until the whole crowd was all like…


When it was all over, the judges weren’t liking it.  At all.

Especially that one judge who was already miffed that the other two had performed without her while she was in the bathroom.  She was not happy.

She said that both teams had made a Mock. Er. Eeeey. of the entire process.  You know she was mad because she broke it down into 3 separate words.

Cuz that’s how you do when you’re pissed off.


Girlfriend was MAD.

Really mad.  And nobody could really blame her.

I just wanted to pull my eyebrows out to make it stop.ebUn.  Comfortable.

Everyone was so flustered by the end of that tirade that even Jay pulled a Steve Harvey and gave Second Place in Creative to the wrong team.

Just like that.  Gimme that crown back, bitch.

giphy-4And Neva was crying just like Miss Colombia by the time he went backstage to try and apologize.  But it didn’t matter much by then…it was too late.

ncry1And it was sad.  Because I don’t like to see anyone cry.

Luckily, that Cicely Tyson judge was wearing THE best white polar bear fur Wilma Flintstone vest evah which distracted me from most of the drama.

And then…thankfully…it was finally over.

Both teams got spanked a little and vowed to return stronger and more focused the next time they meet up.  Which might be sooner than you think, folks.

Because next week it’s already time for the Semi-Finals.

So wipe those tears.  We’re one step closer to the Battle Royale, yo.



DD4L, ‘mmmkay?nh1

Bring It!: We Don’t Need No Scrubs, But Some TLC Would Be Nice After All These Crazy Battle Royale Solo Cuts.

Saturday, March 5th, 2016




I can’t believe these babies have never heard of TLC. Imma have a stroke right here on national TV.






I didn’t get one thing off my damn bridal registry and now all these heifers want me to support their kids? Bitch, pleez.






Srsly? You’ve met me like 100 times already. I’m Faith’s Mom…not the valet. Park your own car.






Sorry, Boo…but it clearly states ‘Only One Bow Tie Per Event.’ One of you gotta go change.







Aw. Hell. Nah.








I can’t with all these Mamas sounding like Charlie Brown’s teacher and being lazy as Snoopy.






Here comes the Big One right now. I can feel my roots getting tingly and it’s not even my own hair.




Some quick advise before we get started.

Don’t go chasing waterfalls.

I wouldn’t if I were you.  That kind of thing just never seems to end well.

But if you must, definitely don’t try to do it in a car.  Especially in the passenger side of your best friend’s ride.  Cuz that’s just pathetic.

And Facebook?  And Twitter?  And LinkedIn?  And every other form of social media and Reality TV blog out there?

Please…don’t creep.  Just don’t.

Can you figure out the theme of this week’s episode of Bring It! now?

I hope so.

Because it was the TLC-inspired Creative Dance, saluting one of the most iconic girls groups ever.  And unless you’ve been living under a rock (…or dancing at the Dollhouse Dance Factory…) everyone knows TLC, right?

A refresher.

This is TLC…


This is them dancing…


And this is me when none of the young ladies of the Dancing Dolls knew who TLC was…

tumblr_inline_nrg8hsIJiR1raprkq_500Q.  When did I get so old?

A.  Don’t answer that.

Side note:  If we’re being totally honest, that first photo is also how I like to pose by the towel wall after my workouts, because you never when know when your Gym Crush might need a freshly rolled tube of terry cloth.  Oh, hey.  Didn’t even see you there.  Sup?


With only 3 weeks remaining before the Battle Royale, Dianna Williams and her team were bringing out all the big hair and big guns to ensure they entered the finale on top of the leader board.

The competition had been tougher than ever so far this year and Miss D was going to make certain that the Dolls were on their A Game as they got ready for this week’s showdown.  Starting right now.

d2Or as soon as everyone got to the Dollhouse, that is.

After a quick ride around town with Camryn and my girl Mimi (…where were they going at 2am?  You see how dark it was outside?…) we headed over to Dianna’s office to get the deets on this week’s Battle Ready Competition.

Kidding.  It was still winter time, so it gets dark early.  They were just on their way to the Dollhouse.  Because that’s how the show goes now.  Opening Car Ride, Office Time, Crazy Moms and then a commercial.

I’m watching you, Lifetime.  And planning my snacks accordingly.

Assistant Coach Kayla and her crazy a** big purple hair got right down to bidnezz with Miss D, rehashing last week’s results, figuring out the direction for the upcoming weekend’s performances and discussing the additional cuts they would be making in the Battle Royale solo auditions.

This time around, the team would be competing in both Crea–

kmOh, hey.  Mimi’s here.  Scoot over, Peanut.

Seriously.  How much do we love this show?

Sure enough, Camryn was still outside trying to un-click her seatbelt and Mimi was already inside Dianna’s office, discussing how she felt her baby should get the solo spot in the finale.  Because she’s the Captain.  And her baby.

What do you think, Miss D?

tumblr_inline_nrg8hsIJiR1raprkq_500Moving on.  Bye, Mimi.

This week, the Dolls would be competing in both the TLC Creative Dance and Stand Battle.  Dianna would be auditioning girls for the three lead spots in the TLC routine…ie, T-Boz, Chilli and Left Eye…after explaing to all the girls who T-Boz, Chilli and Left Eye were in the grand scheme of things.

Faith assumed that her Mom Dana probably liked TLC.

fBecause her Mom only liked the oldies.


Needless to say, next door in the IKEA Lounge, the Mamas were straight up brawling over who should get the TLC trio spots as well as the highly coveted Battle Royale solo.  I bet you can pretty much figure out how that all went down without my play by play.

Rittany felt that it was Crystianna‘s time to shine like the Silent Killer she was, while Mimi tried the same argument that had gotten her nowhere back in Dianna’s office.  Dana busted out some more chunky jewelry and thought that all the other Mamas sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher when they talked.  Whaaw Whaaw Whaaw.

And Tina made this face a lot.  We love her like I dunno what, mmmkay?

tThis week, the Dolls would be going up against Royal Envy, the Golden Prancerettes,  arch rivals the Infamous Dancerettes and the Girls Who Never Clean The Screen On Their iPhones Even After Eating Those New Spicy Chicken Fries At Burger King.

Which is just gross, BTW.

You know you have to walk right by the napkin dispenser on the way out, right?  Maybe if you threw your trash out and put your tray away you’d know that.

tumblr_lq035oF2qT1qbnfoaFirst up:  TLC trio auditions.

T-Boz:  Faith, Daija and Denicia.  


Denicia is a newer face who’s been lurking in the background for the last 8 months.  New to us, but not new to Miss D, who saw great potential in this dancer.

This is Denicia, looking like she should be scoring gold for the Olympic Track Team.

dnThis is also Denicia.

dn2Wait.  What?

giphyI know, right?  Beat to the Gawdz.


This girl is gorgeous.  Twitter went bazoinkers.

If that Olympic thing doesn’t work out, I think she’ll still do just fine.

Left Eye:  Makalah and Ken’Janae.

Chilli:  Crystianna and Camryn.

Results:  Denicia, Ken’Janae and Camryn…your new TLC girls.

Everyone was excited for them.

Every girl on this team is amazing and beautiful.  You know dat.  And the way they support each other is something you wish you could find in every school and neighborhood across the world.  Dianna and the Mamas have raised them all right.

Full disclosure:  Rittany got a lil’ salty that her niece didn’t get chosen, but I’m giving her a pass because I really liked her in this hair and turtleneck.

rShe’s like the Sassy Department at Banana Republic.  A++

After Battle Squad practice, everyone headed out into the parking to go home.

And to stalk Dianna.  Which is exactly what Dana did, after either popping out from behind her car or sliding out from under some truck like you see in those movies where they kill you in a parking deck.  I’m not sure where she came from.

No lie.  She was literally waiting for Dianna just like this.  With the same lipstick.

killer-clownAnd isn’t that the same blue blouse underneath those clown overalls?

da2 (1)Dana wanted to put in her two cents in the hopes that Miss D would give Faith a little more consideration for any…I dunno…upcoming solos, maybe?

Nice try.  Moving on.  Bye, Dana.

Not to be outdone, the next day as the girls rehearsed their elaborate TLC routine, Rittany decided it was her turn.  Because Mimi and Dana had been so successful, I mean.

tt Don’t you know she just went and sent a text to Dianna right in the middle of rehearsal.

bleepYeah.  What she said.

Dianna wasn’t happy.  At all.

Long story short:  Miss D tore into the IKEA Lounge and threw all the Mamas face down, right back out onto the cold, winter sidewalks.

Just like the old days.

tumblr_mzptyilcHi1r5jv7ho1_400Even that poor new Mama Tamala, who was all like OhHellNo in her J.Crew sweater.tam

Miss D don’t play.  Now stay out there.

tumblr_mw0e1fssQY1si2x44o2_500As the Mamas all stood around getting flashbacks and frostbite, Dianna ran the Battle Royale solo cuts and trimmed the 6 hopefuls down to 3 remaining contestants.

Still Standing:  Makya, Crystianna and Camryn.  Stay tuned.

cmyFinally, it was Showtime!

And time for my boy Jay You Don’t Say Fever Johnny Harrington V to unleash yet another InstaClassic bit of Chattanooga Couture on an unsuspecting crowd.

jfvAnd yes, those are the same judges again.

That friendly Cicely Tyson lady and that other lady who got cut out of the shot and the middle guy who I know better not be trying to cop Jay’s fit.

True Fact:  They all travel together.  Their secret has been exposed.  And here’s actual unseen footage of them arriving at the Columbus venue as proof that I was right all along.


And here they are waiting for Dianna and Mimi to come help unload all their crap.

7ac6839f78ddc98d00ea6fd19bab9eb5-the-partridge-family-busTrue Fact #2:  Every color on that bus represents one of Jay’s bow ties.

I swear to the same Gawd that beat Denicia’s face.


Side note:  Seloncé ain’t doing so bad herself lately, either.

Dang that shoulder length, gurl.

selSide note #2: If you didn’t know who TLC was, there’s no way in hell you’re gonna know the f***ing Partridge Family, so those last few paragraphs up there were probably a solid waste of my online research time.

After the quick required hallway meet up, where ID’s Coach John Connor had swapped out his previously grey dreads for some red tips, it was time for the Creative Category.



jc1First up, the Golden Prancerettes and some big guy in a yellow cape who did this so hard that I had to pause the DVR and go find my inhaler.


Next, Johnn and his team hit the floor with about 47 other members of a marching band and 24 dancers that weren’t even on the ID payroll.

Hold up.

dMiss D wasn’t having none of that.  Nope.

She booked it over to that judges’ table waaaaay faster than I ever thought anyone could possible move when they’re shrink-wrapped in head-to-toe black leather like our girl.

Obviously, Dianna needed to wrap this up asap so she could get back out and rob the Gotham First National Bank.


You go, Mama.  Meow.

Unfortunately, according to the rules, you could add as many human beings and/or random livestock to your team as you wanted, as long as none of them danced for longer than 5 minutes.  It’s right there on this piece of paper, yo.

tieI especially like this chick’s I Don’t Make The Rules face.


So onward and upward.  And right into that waterfall.

The TLC tribute was everything.


That s*** was cray.

And tell me Denicia doesn’t look like she body-swapped T-Boz.

tbzThe crowd lost their noodle.

Even Dana had some kind of ’90s thing going on.  I think.

dfWe don’t need no scrubs, but we might need to see that whole thing again.  F’realz.

So speaking of creeping, here’s the link to Dianna’s post of the entire routine without the elevator music.  It rocks the house, so you better check it out.

Fell free to flip off a couple haters while you’re there, too.

Then it was on to the Stand Battles.

Round One:  Golden Prancerettes vs. ID.  John and his girls took the win.

Round Two:  Royal Envy vs. Dancing Dolls.  Dianna and her team for the win.

Bonus Points:  This mall cop with his tongue hanging out during the pre-game show, trying to photobomb the shot for some reason.  What the what was that all about?

Helloooooo, ladies.


Nothing to see here, dude.  Keep it moving before we call a real cop.

The Stand Battle was off the hook and both teams  pretty much set the floor on fiyah.


There was a brief moment of questionable activity when John grabbed as many audience members as he could who happened to be walking by to use the restroom and forced them to dance with his team and then one other little snafu when Crystianna got so distracted by all the people wearing bow ties that she glanced sideways instead of straight ahead, but the judges either missed it or let it go…

…because the Dancing Dolls won First Place!!

In BOTH Creative and Stand Battle!

t1Now that’s what I’m talking about.

It makes all the sacrifices worth it in the end for both the Mamas and their girls.  And honestly, the smiles on their faces are better than any trophy.

And then it was over.

One week closer to the Battle Royale.

Just a couple more weeks.  And a couple more cuts.

Until then…

We miss you Left Eye.



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