DanThat'sCool!

Who knew that 25 pounds of garbage could be so Beautimous?

You can Holla for a Dolla all you want, but I’m not sure that anyone can put a price tag on this piece of junk pile artistry.  It’s nothing short of dumpster brilliance.

Mosaic artist Jason Mecier just spent a whopping 50 hours spraying and hot gluing ”two cans of hair spray, three tiaras, make-up, mascara, fake eyelashes, coupons, sketti, butter, ten cheese balls, two Red Bulls, one Mountain Dew, a McDonald’s chicken nugget, a pink Snuggy box, an empty toilet paper roll, one cabbage patch doll and a jar of pigs’ feet” into an instant pop culture masterpiece.

Move over Warhol.  Make way for Honey Boo Boo Child.

Jason is already my new idol.  I didn’t think that I would ever find someone with more crap in their house than me.  That alone solidified his awesomeness in my book.

But then to take all that landfill and artery clogging clutter and turn it into everyone’s favorite sassy pants Alana Thompson?

Just shut the trailer door.

I mean.  Seriously.

A Cabbage Patch doll.

Even baby Kaitlyn would give this three thumbs up.

Trick or Treat.

Pretty Feet.

It’s Halloween time.  The biggest head rush holiday of the year.  And nothing says “Gimme Sugar” like a little touch of Toddlers & Tiaras.

If you’re still scrambling inside your closets or digging through a pile of costumes on the floor at Walmart (…seriously?  Is it really that difficult to put the thing back on the peg where it came from, lady? Get your kids under control…) I felt it was my civic duty to inspire you to embrace your own potential Glitz Greatness.

Even celebs Redneckognize the power of…well…Pageant Power.

That’s right.  Now that Honey Boo Boo Child has successfully completed Phase One of her world domination, there ain’t no stopping them Toddlers (…or their Moms…) y’all.

Hope the neighbors are stocking up on pixie stix and cheese balls for the big day, because an army of cupcake dresses are about to invade the neighborhood.  And they’re looking for more recruits.

So spray it, tease it, bling it…and bring it, bitches.

Happy Halloween.

I know.

It’s been difficult.

Trying to fill the void left by Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

Mindlessly picking at your cold Sketti wondering what’s been happening with Alana and the rest of the Boo Boo Bunch since they were yanked from our television screens.

Taken too soon, as it were.  Thanks for that, TLC.

Seems we barely had time to Redneckognize a good thing before the season ended and they were gone, leaving us with a carpet covered in cheese ball crumbs and loads of unanswered questions.

Is Wednesday still Bingo Night?  Has the culinary roadkill drought improved?  Does blowing finger kisses with three thumbs give you an unfair advantage with the judges?

Thankfully, it looks as though we’ll get some closure on at least one of these pressing issues, because this week little baby Kaitlyn Elizabeth officially entered the world of pageantry.

That’s right.  Teen Mom Chickadee‘s eleven-fingered cutie patootie has gone Glitz.

Baby Glitz, that is.

It all went down at The Miss Southern Princess Pageant, in that odd 0 – 11 month category where all the Moms and Dads raise their little nuggets up like the opening of Lion King.  That category.

Auntie Alana better step up her game, because once Kaitlyn figures out how to support the weight of her own wobbly head it looks like the competition is ON.

Despite Sugar Bear‘s recent infectious mud boggin’, skin graftin’ injury, the Boo Boo Brigade hit the Circuit over the weekend, bringing home 5th Place and a People’s Choice trophy.

Not too shabby for someone so tiny that both eyeballs don’t even go in the same direction yet.

I feel a spin-off of a spin-off coming on.

As you’ll recall, Alana had been dead set on Kaitlyn going directly from Biscuit to Pageant wearing a custom cupcake dress originally created for everyone’s favorite “Everybody’s A Little Gay” pig Glitzy.

(Not to be confused with everyone’s favorite “Everybody’s A Little Gay” Uncle Poodle, who is already on record stating that he would show up in something a little more understated, most likely accessorized with aviator shades.  But I digress.)

If the pig dress actually comes to be is still a work in progress, but it does give me an awkwardly smooth segue into showing The Glitzy Tribute video for no reason other than I think pigs are funny.

Just don’t get ‘em agitated, y’all.