DanThat'sCool!

Trick or Treat.

Pretty Feet.

It’s Halloween time.  The biggest head rush holiday of the year.  And nothing says “Gimme Sugar” like a little touch of Toddlers & Tiaras.

If you’re still scrambling inside your closets or digging through a pile of costumes on the floor at Walmart (…seriously?  Is it really that difficult to put the thing back on the peg where it came from, lady? Get your kids under control…) I felt it was my civic duty to inspire you to embrace your own potential Glitz Greatness.

Even celebs Redneckognize the power of…well…Pageant Power.

That’s right.  Now that Honey Boo Boo Child has successfully completed Phase One of her world domination, there ain’t no stopping them Toddlers (…or their Moms…) y’all.

Hope the neighbors are stocking up on pixie stix and cheese balls for the big day, because an army of cupcake dresses are about to invade the neighborhood.  And they’re looking for more recruits.

So spray it, tease it, bling it…and bring it, bitches.

Happy Halloween.

I might need a moment here.

There’s a storm approaching, and it’s gonna call for focus.

Focus…and some seriously stocked Coupon Queen snacks.  Because it’s almost here.

The Summer of The Perfect Reality Storm.

Mob Wives: Chicago.  Big Ang.  Dance Moms.  Honey Boo-Boo Child.  All that sobbing Bachelorette nonsense.    Even that new cheerleader sumthin or other show that I know absolutely nothing about but will be glued to for an hour.

And now it’s all topped off with a giant glitter ball splat right to the face.

Toddlers & Tiaras is back!

Halleloo! Everyone’s guiltiest pleasure is returning with a new season of spray tans, aerosol beehives and enough pixie stix buzziness to make anyone spit their flipper across the Ramada ballroom.

Now you know I love me some Toddlers.

And I really love me some Pageant Mom Krazy.

The Moms I’ve met who are actually normal and have a wicked sense of humor are going to love this one.

The Moms who lean a little more to the Krazy side of the scale, however…well…I’ll do you all a favor and clear my inbox asap so you can commence spamming my site.

For everyone else who has ever wondered what happens when that last finger kiss is blown and the cupcake dress finally comes off…here you go.

The answer?

Well.  Sometimes it just doesn’t come off.  Ever.

I give you Adults & Tiaras.

No wonder Carrie Underwood released her new album earlier than some people thought she would this month.  Looks like there might be a new Diva breathing down her neck, and you know how fickle those Club Kids can be when it comes to their dance tunes.

Clear some space on your BeDazzled Hello Kitty iPod because it looks like the freakin’ cutest niblet evah, Paisley Dickey, is about to shake her cheese dip on a new song.

The pint sized dynamo who nose picked and pretty feeted (…is that even a word?…) her way to Toddlers & Tiaras fame, is taking a cue from pageant retiree Eden Wood and jumpstarting her own sparkly Empire.  But whereas Eden chose to go the questionably uncomfortable half Anna Nicole/half RuPaul route, Paisley is going with what she knows.

Cuteness and Boogers.

Now I pride myself on being an authority on cuteness, but not so much on boogers…so we’ll all just have to wait until Ryan Seacrest leaks a few tracks before I start party rocking my new dance moves.

Recording career or not, it looks like that little nugget is going to need a longer resume.

According to the interview below, when her finger kissing days are over, Paisley may just become the world’s first singing clown doctor.

And far be it from me to open up old wounds or stir things back up again…but maybe Isabella could lay down the Booger ReMix tracks?

How epic would that be?

I Pick It And I Know It.

Yeah.  I went there.