Posts Tagged ‘Brock “Diva” Ritter’

Toddlers & Tiaras Flashback: Love Is In The Air. Remembering The Pixie Stix Princesses And Playground Playas.

Friday, February 21st, 2014

mak

It’s February.

The most heartfelt month of the year.

I don’t know if it’s the Polar Vortex, residual Valentine’s Day mush or just a crash from all the 75% off CVS candy that’s got me feeling so redneckulously romantical this month.

(Who cares if it’s two weeks later and the candy is heart-shaped?  It’s still chocolate.)

Whatever the reason, this time of year always makes me miss my Toddlers & Tiaras and all the Life Lessons learned over those six too-short seasons.

Shoot.  When they weren’t buzzing around hotel lobbies at 70mph or staring blankly into camera lights waiting for their crazy Pageant Moms to get the Hook, those sparkly kids taught me more about love, life and putting the moves on my teeter totter crush than any self-help book I ever download onto my iPad.  Thanks for nothing, iTunes.

It’s true.  I own it.  Toddlers & Tiaras pretty much made me who I am today.

I like to call it Toddler Relationships 101.

Like how a good milkshake can always bring the Boyz to the yard.  Oh hey, Gurlz.

tumblr_lnyu1zuygp1qdu1jmA subtle bit of Side Eye can make all the difference when playing the game.

tumblr_m7ygk3jNXs1qb9pa3o1_500Sometimes you just have to tell it like it is.  Trust me…the truth hurts.

tumblr_m0efetrLZX1qd9agqo1_500A dude’s gotta do what a dude’s gotta do to score nowadays.

tumblr_inline_mg4lw5Fcxv1ryjwc0Until it backfires and you get busted, of course.  Excuse me?

tumblr_lq02shmxec1qbnfoaI hear that sometimes honesty is the best policy.  But don’t quote me.

giphy-3Unfortunately, no matter how much effort you put into a relationship, sometimes it just ain’t gonna happen.  Don’t even think it.

Toddlers-Tiaras-GifSo you deal with it in your own way and move on.

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And when it finally does work, it makes you all like…

tumblr_inline_mp9uynmPCT1qz4rgpSo Happy Belated Valentine’s Day everyone.  Love you.  Mean it.  And, please…

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Toddlers & Tiaras Flashback: Shake It Like A Polaroid Glitz Picture. It’s An All Dancing, All That Jazz Extravaganza.

Sunday, November 24th, 2013

June

Hey Mr. DJ put a record on.

And one of those homemade CDs that Mama June burned off iTunes.

Then slap some dancing shoes on those pretty feet and let’s do this, because it’s time for another Toddlers & Tiaras rewind.  And this one comes with a beat you can dance to.

Kinda.

Like Ultimate Pageant Dad David Perez.

Papa’s got a brand new bag, you know.

And it glitters like a shiny Mr. Roboto.

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Or you could throw your hands…and your big ginger puppet…up in the ayah ayah.

giphy-1If you like it then you better put a wig…and padded bra…on it.

tumblr_lsvj2oqXWS1qejlczo1_500Bitch, pleez.  Let Daddy show you how it’s done.

giphy-2Divas to the dance floor please.

tumblr_lnyu2pNQZo1qdu1jmAnd whatever this is.

giphy-4Which was supposed to look like this, I think.  Werk.

tumblr_lnyu2faf2d1qdu1jmStop.  In the name of Love.  Really…just stop.

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Toddlers & Tiaras Flashback: Pass The Pixie Stix, Please. It’s Another Look Back At Classic Glitter Girl Moments.

Friday, November 8th, 2013

l1-1

Oh.  Hell.  No.

This just ain’t right.

Still banging your head against the wall because Toddlers & Tiaras has gone away?

Having trouble detoxing after six seasons of sugar buzzing?  Missing the sweet taste of Tinker Tea on your tongue and the residue of tanning overspray on your kitchen table?

Well, you’re not alone.  Seems like a lot of people are having trouble dealing with TLC’s sudden decision to shut off our pageant crack pipeline.  Coming down’s the hardest part.

And I hate to see anyone suffer, so I’ll take another one for the team and rewind a few more classic Glitter Girls Gone Wild moments to help everyone deal with the loss.

Because I feel your pain.

26770285eBtYou can never go wrong with money and snacks.  Right, Paisley?

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Any outfit looks better with attitude and a Ni-Ni.  Right, Makenzie?

26770283RKe

‘B’ is for Boy.  ‘D ‘is for Diva.  Put ’em together and you just spelled Brock.

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Seriously.  After that one, I got nuthin’.

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Bitch, I’m out.

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