Posts Tagged ‘Honey Boo Boo Child Sister Anna (“Chickadee”)’

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo: You’d Better Redneckognize That One Man’s (White) Trash Is Another Man’s Junk Yard Artwork Masterpiece. Holla!

Saturday, November 17th, 2012

 

Who knew that 25 pounds of garbage could be so Beautimous?

You can Holla for a Dolla all you want, but I’m not sure that anyone can put a price tag on this piece of junk pile artistry.  It’s nothing short of dumpster brilliance.

Mosaic artist Jason Mecier just spent a whopping 50 hours spraying and hot gluing ”two cans of hair spray, three tiaras, make-up, mascara, fake eyelashes, coupons, sketti, butter, ten cheese balls, two Red Bulls, one Mountain Dew, a McDonald’s chicken nugget, a pink Snuggy box, an empty toilet paper roll, one cabbage patch doll and a jar of pigs’ feet” into an instant pop culture masterpiece.

Move over Warhol.  Make way for Honey Boo Boo Child.

Jason is already my new idol.  I didn’t think that I would ever find someone with more crap in their house than me.  That alone solidified his awesomeness in my book.

But then to take all that landfill and artery clogging clutter and turn it into everyone’s favorite sassy pants Alana Thompson?

Just shut the trailer door.

I mean.  Seriously.

A Cabbage Patch doll.

Even baby Kaitlyn would give this three thumbs up.

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo: It’s Time For A Redneck Video Pop Quiz, Y’all. Can You Speak ‘Honey Boo Boo?’

Sunday, October 28th, 2012

Who says subtitles are just for fancy foreign films, y’all?

Not any more they ain’t.

We might as well face the cold hard truth.  Most of us will never get the opportunity to gut freshly discovered roadkill or clean pig poo off our kitchen tables.  Or take our gay poodle uncle for manis and forklift toe pedis.

And bringing a three thumbed baby to a Glitz Pageant probably isn’t going to happen anytime soon.

But thanks to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, we all got the chance to experience a little mud boggin’ and pig sloppin’.

And of course…Alana’s Go-Go Juiced-up vocabulary.

You can’t learn it at skool, and you certainly won’t find any manual at the Kuntry Stoe.

TLC even felt it necessary to subtitle the English language, just to make certain we didn’t miss any of the finger lickin’ BBQ goodness.

But everyone could use a refresher once in awhile, and now our friends at the Huffington Post have created the ultimate interactive training tool.

So grab your mouse (…or cheese ball fingers, for you fancy iPad types…) and brush up on your Boo Boo Speak.

Ready.  Set.  Redneckognize.

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo: Glitzy Goo Goo Gah Gah. It’s Three Thumbs Up For Baby Kaitlyn’s First Pageant. Auntie Alana’s Got Some Competition.

Friday, October 12th, 2012

I know.

It’s been difficult.

Trying to fill the void left by Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

Mindlessly picking at your cold Sketti wondering what’s been happening with Alana and the rest of the Boo Boo Bunch since they were yanked from our television screens.

Taken too soon, as it were.  Thanks for that, TLC.

Seems we barely had time to Redneckognize a good thing before the season ended and they were gone, leaving us with a carpet covered in cheese ball crumbs and loads of unanswered questions.

Is Wednesday still Bingo Night?  Has the culinary roadkill drought improved?  Does blowing finger kisses with three thumbs give you an unfair advantage with the judges?

Thankfully, it looks as though we’ll get some closure on at least one of these pressing issues, because this week little baby Kaitlyn Elizabeth officially entered the world of pageantry.

That’s right.  Teen Mom Chickadee‘s eleven-fingered cutie patootie has gone Glitz.

Baby Glitz, that is.

It all went down at The Miss Southern Princess Pageant, in that odd 0 – 11 month category where all the Moms and Dads raise their little nuggets up like the opening of Lion King.  That category.

Auntie Alana better step up her game, because once Kaitlyn figures out how to support the weight of her own wobbly head it looks like the competition is ON.

Despite Sugar Bear‘s recent infectious mud boggin’, skin graftin’ injury, the Boo Boo Brigade hit the Circuit over the weekend, bringing home 5th Place and a People’s Choice trophy.

Not too shabby for someone so tiny that both eyeballs don’t even go in the same direction yet.

I feel a spin-off of a spin-off coming on.

As you’ll recall, Alana had been dead set on Kaitlyn going directly from Biscuit to Pageant wearing a custom cupcake dress originally created for everyone’s favorite “Everybody’s A Little Gay” pig Glitzy.

(Not to be confused with everyone’s favorite “Everybody’s A Little Gay” Uncle Poodle, who is already on record stating that he would show up in something a little more understated, most likely accessorized with aviator shades.  But I digress.)

If the pig dress actually comes to be is still a work in progress, but it does give me an awkwardly smooth segue into showing The Glitzy Tribute video for no reason other than I think pigs are funny.

Just don’t get ’em agitated, y’all.


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