Posts Tagged ‘Mickie Wood’

Toddlers & Tiaras: Holy Pageant Panic Part Two, Batman! Only Superheroes And Sparkly Things Can Save Us Now.

Thursday, September 15th, 2016

deb

 

 

Just between us, I lie about my age all the time. It’s the only way to get a discount at Claire’s.

 

shot

 

 

Don’t even tell me those chicks are in my shot, because I am the Queen. You listening to me?

 

 

drink

 

 

Honestly, every time they start crying I just close my eyes and pretend I’m holding a cocktail.

 

 

h

 

 

If the Fair Pageant Bureau wants that certificate, they’re gonna have to pull it back outta my butt.

 

ch

 

 

And now they say I can’t claim any of this as med school tuition just because she’s a fake doctor.

 

 

 

 

I read in Cosmo that if you press right here you can tell if you’re about to have a massive stroke.

 

xray

 

 

 

My new X-Ray Specs are totally gonna help me track down the bitch who stole my crown.

 

 

The mean streets of Mesa are on fire.

Villains are terrorizing the residents with giant hair and hammers.

Heroes are finger kissing and fighting the forces of Evil, trying to regain control of their city.

It’s chaos and contouring, people.  But have no fear.

Because just like that…

kapow-1…they’re back.

Toddlers & Tiaras is here to save the day.

In the nail biting 2nd part of GemStars‘ super-sized Heroes vs. Villains Pageant, it was anyone’s guess who would still be standing when the dust and (…Spoiler Alert…) smoke machine haze cleared before Crowning.

When we last saw our heroes, Mom Becky had just been stopped at the Check-In desk by Director Debbie Graston, who was in the process of both physically and verbally blocking her entrance into the ballroom until Becky could produce a notarized and laminated copy of Kaylee‘s birth certificate.

Because, you know…The Fair Pageant Bureau.

fpbI know, right?  What is that?  Is that even a real thing?

And who sent Debbie that mystery email?  And why did Debbie suddenly take it as gospel that maybe tiny Kaylee wasn’t really 6 years old just because she looks like she’s 10 years old when she’s in hot rollers?

cait4

She looks like she’s 32 when she’s all teased up.  Are we really gonna go there?

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Maybe we should check her LinkedIn profile while we’re at it to make sure she didn’t pad her resume that year she worked at Wells Fargo.

Gah, she’s cute.

And how did her Dad keep those sunglasses on the back of his neck the entire episode?  I can’t even keep mine on my face if it gets too humid outside.

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Needless to say, Becky had a copy of Kaylee’s birth certificate right there in her Back To School pocket folder and whipped it out all like…

1365706340988393_animate-1…which shut everybody else up and made my PageantCoachCrush Cambrie start to think that maybe the GemStar cards were already stacked against them.

rhHome Decor Tip:  You can never have too many accessories or boobs in one room.

Nobody told me I needed 3D glasses to watch this show.  But I guess that’s why Cambrie Littlefield is #Goals.  Because she is.  And your argument is irrelevant.

And the entire mantle display can be purchased thru West Elm’s website, FYI.

As you’ll recall, Kim had shown up with her little niblet Selyse, despite the fact that they were currently coach-less thanks to last week’s Sassy Mom-tervention.

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No.  YOU talk to the hand.kimBut it didn’t matter.  Because Kim had it all under control even though I believe Selyse’s Snuggie is on backwards.  Or maybe not.  I don’t know.

But I love Kim.  F’realz.wigletAnd she knows that little wiglet goes on her kid’s head, right?  Not her’s?  Cuz I swear…

Side note:  Now you guys all know that everything on this sloppy site is done in fun and I’m easily sloppier than anyone else on any of these shows and most of what I say is straight up made up anyway, right?  Because I would never intentionally go in for the kill.

Ever.

Except for maybe right now.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love me some Jaimie and some Debbie, but you might wanna get the kids out of the room for a few minutes.

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What the F***ing F*** is even F***ing happening on that F***ing stage right now?

Are they blocking a Fire Door?

And what the what is up with those decorations?

Spoiler Alert:  Even Harlie stopped right in the middle of her Beauty Routine to try and figure out what the F*** was going on back there.

fire

Srsly.  Have you ever gone to one of those temporary Mall Halloween stores in the middle of November when it’s their last day before it turns into a temporary Christmas Shop?

And there’s only one person working and all they have left are four cardboard cutouts and the fabric they used to cover up the Radio Shack logo?

That soldier is literally shooting out the kneecaps of a Disney lady.

But I still love you, Jaimie.  Call me.

23-adele-phone-2-w1200-h630 adeleflip-1445785825

And scene.

Moving on, we smoothly transitioned to Queen Cadence, who revealed some secret organization that collects all the unwanted babies that have been tossed out windows and finds them new homes with people that I assume won’t throw them out windows anymore.

Because the Baby Club is a real thing.  Like the FPB.

sel1

Q.  You gonna tell that #PatootieFace there’s no such thing?  I don’t think so.

jcQ.  And you gonna tell that #ProudMamaFace to stop crying?  I don’t think so.

From the minute Cadence his the stage, Mom Julie was a hot mess.

jc1Haters gonna hate, but Amy and Julie are THE best.  Period.giphy-copy-6

The lady behind her is even making the exact same face.  What are the chances?

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With all the waterworks you’d think they could at least top off that aquarium, tho.  fish

Cambrie felt bad that Cadence appeared a little lost on stage, but it gave Ms. Littlefield an opportunity to wear yet another outfit in a confessional.  So there was that.

cbJudge Toniann Rotante wanted more facial expression and had a last name that sounded like spaghetti sauce, so I immediately bonded with her.

Mangia, Mama Mia!  Gimme Face, dahling.

judgegiphy-2Little squirt Selyse was up next and was so cute I wanted to slap somebody.

sel3 kimselsel4Like Piper‘s Mom Katie, maybe, who called Selyse a hot mess.

Violence is never the answer kids, but you know…

kat2One thing I do like about Katie is her hair.

She has that messy hair like when you’re at the club and you see another girl texting your man and you just clip as much as you can out of your face before you throw down so the bitch doesn’t try and yank it out when you drag her across the floor.

That kind of hair.

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Ain’t dat rite, Cambrie?

cMmmHmm.  You know dat’s rite.  That’s why Mama wears a bun, yo.

TLC Newsflash:  Cambrie Littlefield….c3

…makes…c6

…winners…c7…mmmkay?

063e174f0ef5b86492ff523de274f8f2-jpgSide note:  Everyone on #TeamHope got iPhones as a bribe to get in the car.

hope“S.O.S.”…SEND.

ph“Dude.  There’s like NO Pokemon in here.  Not even a Squirtle.  This sucks.”…SEND.

ph2Next up was cutie Caitlyn who, as you’ll recall, was going for redemption this week after having her crown snatched right off her head at the last GemStars shindig.

Nobody is took’ed-ing her toys this time.  Ain’t happening.

cait6Somebody needs to prevent this kid from getting any cuter before she warps the Time and Space Continuum on Cuteness and all the ugly people get sucked off the planet.  And that’s not even a joke.

Her hair looked familiar…

melania…but for the life of me, I couldn’t place where I’d seen it before.

donald-melania-trump-bill-hillary-clinton-600When you’re cuter than your pink poodle, is that really fair to the rest of us?poodletoysDid she just snap his neck?

Mom Charis got upset that Caitlyn missed two parts of her routine…

ch…because if you divide the $100,000 that Mama’s spent on pageants so far, that averages out to roughly $50,000 per pinky wave.

tumblr_inline_n96vunKMhd1sdanxjBy the time Kaylee hit the stage, her hair was so big she had to spread her arms out for balance like those high wire people do when they  tip toe across rope tied between two skyscrapers.  Careful, gurl.

kay2It should probably be noted that one judge said Kaylee looked just like a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader, but this whole conversation could go wrong in so many ways that I think it’s best if we just move on.  #GoTeam.  dallas-cowboys-cheerleader-during-philadelphia-game

Side note:  Is that a real baby or one of those puppets where you make the mouth move with your hand?

puppet

Because Mom is still holding her the same way out back.  Why is she doing that?

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And what is even happening right now?

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Doesn’t that seem kinda close to her face, or is that just me again?

Anyway.  Katie’s other daughter Harlie was next to wander the stage.

You remember Harlie.  She’s the one who looks like Piper but didn’t want to participate in the pageant like Piper.  Unfortunately, the check was already in the mail so bailing wasn’t really an option.

But Mom and Dad still love you and still think you’re special.

h2Long story short:

The Rules specified that any child over the age of 5 could not be coached by their Moms from behind the judges’ table without losing points.  You read it.  You signed it.

But then this happened.

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A few times, actually.

Was Jaimie coaching Harlie from behind the judges’ table?  Wasn’t that…?

Excuse me?

sn

Becky went OFF.

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Right behind the emcee.  Look at him almost drop the mic.

mc2Before anyone could even say ‘Sparkle, Baby’ the whole thing spilled into the hallway where Becky and her husband and Katie and her husband all pig piled on top of each other screaming about rules and breaking rules and how Harlie was a special needs child and —
powWait.  What?

Nobody ever mentioned that Harlie was a special needs child.  Just special.

Even Cambrie changed her outfit again and got all like…

cblIt was ON with the Moms.

You’re trailer trash.  You’re a bully.  Who bullies a special needs child?  You’re still trailer trash.  And you’re still a bully.

It got In.  Sane.

People were running in circles all over the place.  Charis came out of the ballroom all like ‘Keep it down out here!  We’re trying to run a damn pageant!’ while that one poor lady who just came downstairs to find a vending machine ended up caught in the crossfire holding her baby and an empty ice bucket.

wpcrazyLook at her.  You just know she was all like…

124c45d5bf34b506be033752dbf2701bThankfully, the other Deb (…Jayliana‘s Mama…) came swooping in to separate the women and get everyone back inside before Outfit of Choice got started.  Ain’t nobody gonna screw this thing up before my baby gets on stage.  Don’t even think about it.

Swear to God I will stick my stiletto wine bottle opener in your throat if you don’t sit down.

djAgain.  Violence is never the answer, kids.  But Deb has a stiletto on her sofa table.

Side note:  Check out that little girl trying to sneak a picture of Jaimie when she’s not looking.  She totally thinks she’s about to post a photo of Adele onto her IG account.

adeleAnd how about Yellow Shirt Guy trying to get on TV?  Look at his friend trying to dive out of the shot because he told all his buddies he was at a Wildcats game.

buddies

Riley and Piper finished off the Beauty Game and then the party really got started.

Outfit of Choice.

Cadence came bounding out as Harley Quinn, the Joker’s girlfriend.hqharleygifhq2She even had the hammer, which she smacked on the ground so hard…

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…that it made Julie cry again.

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Dr. Caitlyn was next to hit the stage, wearing glasses and dancing like a ’50s sock hop waitress on roller-skates.  I’m not really sure what that was all about, given the pageant’s theme, since I find doctors to be scary but not necessarily in the villain category.  Unless it was an homage to the recent Suicide Squad movie where Harley Quinn dressed up like a doctor and I just missed it.glassRegardless, my goal is to one day be as cute as this kid so it doesn’t even matter how nonsensical I behave.  She doesn’t even have lenses in those googlie things.

Then it was Kaylee’s turn to set the stage on fiyah.  Or almost, anyway.

Remember last week when they tested out those pyrotechnics and blew the hem on Cambrie’s pink babydoll dress up another 3 inches?  Well, it was showtime.

Dad clicked a bunch of Home Depot wires together, setting off fireballs and one of the restroom sprinklers as Double Oh Kay Kay werked the crowd.

Which seemed to wow the judges but rub Katie the wrong way.

tth

Apparently, somewhere in the GemStars contract was a clause that you couldn’t use Vegas Special Effects during your routine.  Or something.  They weren’t very clear about the actual verbiage.

But if Kaylee could use fireballs, then HellToTheYeah Piper was gonna use her smoke machine.  Which Mom just happened to have on her, BTW.

Because she’s a freakin’ redneck Boy Scout, that’s why.

What?  Your Mom never told you to make sure you stocked the glove compartment of your Nissan with a candle, a can of Spam and a fog machine just in case you spun off the highway and landed in a ditch and had to wait for help?

Next thing you knew, Piper emerged from the mist like the Phantom of the Opera.

Except that she was Poison Ivy from Batman.pipi2

And then it all just kinda fell apart.

Cambrie snuck at a peek at one of the judge’s scoresheets and saw that Piper and Kaylee BOTH received a ‘7‘ in one of the little boxes, which could not have been possible unless the whole pageant was…say it with me…RIGGED.

Somehow the whole thing spilled back out into the hallway again.

Trailer Trash vs. Bully:  Round II

Katie did this a few more times, like she did in the first fight…

tth

And Becky did this a few more times, like she did in the first fight…

cheatAnd then someone did this…

hand…which in shadow puppetry makes the face of a duck if you turn the lights out.  I’m not sure where they were going with that one, but note that there are still sunglasses securely attached to the back of Tim’s head.

And is it just me, or…?

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Katie yelled.  Becky yelled.

Take your birth certificate and shove it up your butt.

Rinse & Repeat.

powAnd then it over.  Or at least Part II was.

Will our Pageant Princesses ever make it to Crowning?

Who sent the FPB email?

And does this guy ever NOT wear a cowboy hat?dadAll those questions…and more…will be answered next week.

Same Toddler Time.

Same Toddler Channel.

Trust me.  It’s gonna be eye opening.

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Toddlers & Tiaras Flashback: Love Is In The Air. Remembering The Pixie Stix Princesses And Playground Playas.

Friday, February 21st, 2014

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It’s February.

The most heartfelt month of the year.

I don’t know if it’s the Polar Vortex, residual Valentine’s Day mush or just a crash from all the 75% off CVS candy that’s got me feeling so redneckulously romantical this month.

(Who cares if it’s two weeks later and the candy is heart-shaped?  It’s still chocolate.)

Whatever the reason, this time of year always makes me miss my Toddlers & Tiaras and all the Life Lessons learned over those six too-short seasons.

Shoot.  When they weren’t buzzing around hotel lobbies at 70mph or staring blankly into camera lights waiting for their crazy Pageant Moms to get the Hook, those sparkly kids taught me more about love, life and putting the moves on my teeter totter crush than any self-help book I ever download onto my iPad.  Thanks for nothing, iTunes.

It’s true.  I own it.  Toddlers & Tiaras pretty much made me who I am today.

I like to call it Toddler Relationships 101.

Like how a good milkshake can always bring the Boyz to the yard.  Oh hey, Gurlz.

tumblr_lnyu1zuygp1qdu1jmA subtle bit of Side Eye can make all the difference when playing the game.

tumblr_m7ygk3jNXs1qb9pa3o1_500Sometimes you just have to tell it like it is.  Trust me…the truth hurts.

tumblr_m0efetrLZX1qd9agqo1_500A dude’s gotta do what a dude’s gotta do to score nowadays.

tumblr_inline_mg4lw5Fcxv1ryjwc0Until it backfires and you get busted, of course.  Excuse me?

tumblr_lq02shmxec1qbnfoaI hear that sometimes honesty is the best policy.  But don’t quote me.

giphy-3Unfortunately, no matter how much effort you put into a relationship, sometimes it just ain’t gonna happen.  Don’t even think it.

Toddlers-Tiaras-GifSo you deal with it in your own way and move on.

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And when it finally does work, it makes you all like…

tumblr_inline_mp9uynmPCT1qz4rgpSo Happy Belated Valentine’s Day everyone.  Love you.  Mean it.  And, please…

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Eden’s World: Miss Fran, I Don’t Think We’re On Kansas Time Anymore. It’s Underpuppy Over The Rainbow, But Not Everyone Can Be Judy Garland.

Wednesday, April 25th, 2012

 

 

Lawd, shut the church door. What the eff is that thing on her head?

 

 

 

 

I’m practicing to carry two waitress trays when I grow up. Mo’ money.

 

 

 

 

Oh. No. Hell. No. Who gonna check me, Boo?

 

 

 

 

Maybe it’s just the Pixie Stix kickin’ in, but wasn’t this show supposed to be about that girl?

 

 

 

 

True dat, Miss Thang. MmmHmm Girlfriend.

 

 

 

I blame RuPaul.

If she hadn’t dangled the crowning of the Next Drag SuperStar right up until the very last second of the show, and then punk’d everyone right before the credits rolled by announcing that we had to wait one more week to see which Queen got all that free makeup…well…I totally would have changed channels before Eden’s World started.

Trust me.  In a heartbeat.

What?  I would have.  For realz.

And I would have gone to bed early with my brandy snifter and settled in with a nice New York Times bestseller and…

Ok.  Wait.  I can’t even finish that last sentence with a straight face.

But don’t give me any flack for RuPaul.  It was strictly research.

No, you shut up.  You never know when they’re going to ask a RuPaul question on Jeopardy.  It’s gonna happen.

Sooner or later they are going to have to stop asking questions about the Spanish Inquisition and Math.  And when they do, and they ask what shape upholstery foam should be carved into in order to create the perfect LadyBoy butt…who’ll be laughing all the way to the bank?

Not you.

So before Ru had even finished punking everyone into a Glamazon coma, little Eden was already slipping under the channel clicker radar and starting another episode.  I swear they dress her up in the same outfit that RuPaul wears just so we don’t notice when one show ends and the second begins.

And there she was.  Again.  I know, right?

They actually made more than just last week’s premiere episode.

This time we started out with Eden’s agent/puppy combo Andrew getting all Rachel Zoe again in his fur vest, spritzing on his cell.  I’m still not 100% positive yet that the little puppy he’s always holding is real, because the thing is always just kind of there like a white furry version of a Reborn baby doll.

You know the Reborns.  The ones that you always see being pushed around Walmart in a Barbie stroller by some lady wearing pajama bottoms who still puts tinfoil on her television rabbit ears.  That’s a whole other show, kids.

Andrew was setting up an impromptu showcase of sorts for Eden since they were back in New York again, and hit up sassy Broadway Producer Tom for a quick drive-by audition.

If you are presently working four waitress jobs to help pay your portion of the rent for a studio walk-up in the Bronx , all while trying to light your own nonexistent  Broadway star, then I’m thinking that seeing Andrew make one local call and get Eden a meeting probably didn’t sit well.  Especially considering he didn’t even have to put down the Reborn to take any notes.  I feel your pain.

Now channel that in your next audition.  Use it.  You’re welcome.

Luckily for the E-Team, Tom just happened to be sitting all by himself behind a bake sale folding table in the dance studio, so Andrew caught him at a good time.

Actually, after only five seconds of screen time, I’m thinking of starting a Broadway career of my own now, just so I can have Andrew set up a meeting with Tom.

Let’s just go there.  I’ll say it right now and get it out on the table.

There isn’t much out there in the world nowadays that makes me happier than seeing white boys who think they are fierce african american girls.

There.  You thought it…and I said it.

And it’s not offensive since I just slammed about ten different categories at once.  It just cracks me the f*** up.

And I’ll say it again cuz I don’t play, bitch.  M’kay?

I mean, seriously.  What’s not to love?  Girrrl, pleez.  Two snaps and a circle.  And a fierce head snap.  And a jello booty shot.

Throw in a Singles Ladies wrist flip and I swear it’s like Christmas came early.  Wrap it up for me.  Just don’t break a nail tying the bow.

As soon as Eden walked in, I thought poor Tom’s head would sashay off his shoulders.

By the time he got done performing his intro act, I forgot whose audition it was.

Naturally, Eden’s Mom had dressed her in yet another understated lunchtime ensemble of fur, feathers, sequins and flowers.  For Mickie, even using the using the restrooms at Macy’s is a potential opportunity to pimp out Eden, so better safe than sorry.

Tom couldn’t get over Eden’s slightly askew RuPaul hat (…a blatant shout out to LogoTV on someone’s part…) her precocious attitude, her airbrushed headshot or her general KidSpaz attention span.

He also couldn’t get over the fact that she really couldn’t sing.

I mean…really.

After screeching a few chunks of her “hit” Underpuppy, Eden bellied up to the bar for her critique.  Seriously, if Tom doesn’t put all his key catch phrases into one manual and publish it by the Fall, I will be devastated.

Dude was the SnarkMaster.  I bow to him.  After discussing annunciation vs. backwoods word spitting, Tom finished her off with the soon to be classic “Not everyone is Judy Garland,” which was followed by a head jut, smirk and “MmmHmm?” which I immediately downloaded as both my screensaver and ringtone.

Then we were off to Indianapolis to meet Tom’s Brother from another Mother, Mr. Nick.

Let’s just say Christmas came twice this week.

Since the producers still need a way to actually get Eden into the storyline each week, aside from letting her run through the background in every scene, we got to meet another untrained Glitz wannabe in desperate need of  Mickie’s Yoda-like wisdom and Eden’s mystical, magical unicorn-powered pageant touch.

This week it was young Ivy, who was under the questionable tutelage of the faboo Mr. Nick…who can do it all, Girlfriend.

He’s a cheer coach, a pageant coach, a female illusionist (…shout out #2 to LogoTV…) and all around finger wagging all up in yo’ face Miss Thang.

If I’m ever trapped in a Ramada elevator on Pageant Day with both Tom and Mr. Nick, don’t call for help.  Just wait for my head to explode and then call Housekeeping.  Take comfort in knowing I died with my brain so full of OhNoSheDin’t that my skull couldn’t contain all the fierceness.  It was a quick death…but it was painless.

And sparkly.  Very sparkly.

After getting into a heated debate with Fran the time management challenged Stylist and Eden’s Manager Heather on whether or not a 7 year old needs sensible yet fake bottom lashes applied before a pageant, Mr. Nick showed off some of his coaching skills under the watchful eyes of Mickie…and Eden when she could focus.

After discerning that Ivy was too robotic, the scene collapsed in on itself and everyone got up to do their runway walk.  Mickie finally got the chance to be an aging pageant girl while Mr. Nick worked it like a photo shoot for the new Gay Lands’ End 2012 catalog.

Andrew just clutched his cell and his Reborn and lived the Dream.

Eden finished us off with yet another gem by reminding everyone that to make it in pageants you “Gotta get the Boom Boom Pow.”

Before the show was even over you know that at least two people stalking the website that Dateline always spies on had already chosen that as their chat name.

One of the tidbits that Producer Tom had tossed out to the E-Team was that in lieu of sparing us all any more ear bleeding and ending this nonsense all together, Eden could probably benefit from some vocal training.  One more puppy hug and phone call later, Eden had an audience with Steven Sorrentino who according to Andrew and Heather, pretty much invented singing and acting.

He’s got white teeth, I’ll give him that.  As he sat mesmerized by Eden’s spot-on Margaret Thatcher and Crocodile Dundee imitations, Mickie hooted and hollered in her seat like she was front row at Caroline’s Comedy Club, slapping anyone in her orbit as she screamed “That’s my baby!  That’s my baby!”

We know it is.  No one else would want it.

Much as she did with Tom and his head bopping, Eden zig zagged her gaze all over Manhattan as Steven tried to give his feedback.  Unless she has some powers to see Poltergeists that the rest of us can not yet visualize, that kid has some serious focus issues.  I’m thinking she was also probably looking for the cue cards that they write out for every one-on-one shot she has to sit through.

Boom Boom Pow.

After realizing that they had forgotten about Ivy, the E-Team bolted back to Indy just in time for the pageant.

Mr. Nick was running Ivy through a few last minute rehearsals.  Though we never actually saw it, I’m pretty sure one of the exercises was to limbo under his legs because Mr. Nick always stood in a really uncomfortably awkward half split in order to get down to Ivy’s level.  It was just low enough and wide enough that it would definitely get you fired as a coach in most junior high schools, but I guess the pageant world runs on a whole different rule book.

Finally it was Pageant Day.  Once again, Fran was behind schedule with the whole hair and makeup thing.

As we touched upon earlier, math is not really my thing…but even I figured out that if there have only been two episodes of this mess so far and Fran has been running behind in both episodes…well…if I had my calculator I’m thinking that it would probably add up to bad averages.

And besides that, isn’t the whole hair and makeup thing…I don’t know…her thing?  Get it together Miss Fran, before someone calls you out on it.

Never mind.  Too late.

In came Mr. Nick with all his finger wagging fierceness, checking the time, slurping his Starbucks and unleashing more early Christmas right up in Fran’s face.

Wait for it….

Boom!  DivaWars.

As a random assortment of pageant babies sucked down sugar and chugged The Dew, Fran and Mr. Nick got their CrazyBitch on, while Andrew clutched his Reborn and waffled between horror and total, unadulterated bliss.  Luckily for all the kids trapped in that hotel room, as well as the LogoTV legal department who would never be able to cover the damages to the furniture, the pageant kicked into gear and they had to break up the street fight.

Mickie ran through all her signature verklempt poses, which I still live for, and predicted that Ivy would take the Supreme Deep Dish crown without a doubt.

Eden ran through the background a couple of times to satisfy the share holders, and then Ivy lost.  Even with her Wilma Flintstone Jungle Boogie outfit.  Bone and all.

Mickie couldn’t believe it, and shoved her way through the crowd to hit up the judges.  And then Eden ran around some more.

Back in the hotel room, Mr. Nick and Miss Fran picked up right where they left off, but this time we had the added bonus of a Stylist Turf War with graphic female body part names being used against each other.  That was a nice touch with those little sugarized kids in the hallway.  Poor little niblets don’t even know they have those lady parts yet, and they’re already scared to death of them.  Nice.

Mr. Nick was disgusted and not impressed, to the point where he called it a really bad word.

Mickie had to break it all up and lay down the law to the E-Team.  I have no clue where Eden was.

Probably at the bar singing Underpuppy.

Girrrllll…..we are definitely not in Kansas anymore.


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