Posts Tagged ‘Toddlers and Tiaras Flashback’

Toddlers & Tiaras Flashback: Love Is In The Air. Remembering The Pixie Stix Princesses And Playground Playas.

Friday, February 21st, 2014


It’s February.

The most heartfelt month of the year.

I don’t know if it’s the Polar Vortex, residual Valentine’s Day mush or just a crash from all the 75% off CVS candy that’s got me feeling so redneckulously romantical this month.

(Who cares if it’s two weeks later and the candy is heart-shaped?  It’s still chocolate.)

Whatever the reason, this time of year always makes me miss my Toddlers & Tiaras and all the Life Lessons learned over those six too-short seasons.

Shoot.  When they weren’t buzzing around hotel lobbies at 70mph or staring blankly into camera lights waiting for their crazy Pageant Moms to get the Hook, those sparkly kids taught me more about love, life and putting the moves on my teeter totter crush than any self-help book I ever download onto my iPad.  Thanks for nothing, iTunes.

It’s true.  I own it.  Toddlers & Tiaras pretty much made me who I am today.

I like to call it Toddler Relationships 101.

Like how a good milkshake can always bring the Boyz to the yard.  Oh hey, Gurlz.

tumblr_lnyu1zuygp1qdu1jmA subtle bit of Side Eye can make all the difference when playing the game.

tumblr_m7ygk3jNXs1qb9pa3o1_500Sometimes you just have to tell it like it is.  Trust me…the truth hurts.

tumblr_m0efetrLZX1qd9agqo1_500A dude’s gotta do what a dude’s gotta do to score nowadays.

tumblr_inline_mg4lw5Fcxv1ryjwc0Until it backfires and you get busted, of course.  Excuse me?

tumblr_lq02shmxec1qbnfoaI hear that sometimes honesty is the best policy.  But don’t quote me.

giphy-3Unfortunately, no matter how much effort you put into a relationship, sometimes it just ain’t gonna happen.  Don’t even think it.

Toddlers-Tiaras-GifSo you deal with it in your own way and move on.


And when it finally does work, it makes you all like…

tumblr_inline_mp9uynmPCT1qz4rgpSo Happy Belated Valentine’s Day everyone.  Love you.  Mean it.  And, please…


Toddlers & Tiaras Flashback: Pass The Pixie Stix, Please. It’s Another Look Back At Classic Glitter Girl Moments.

Friday, November 8th, 2013


Oh.  Hell.  No.

This just ain’t right.

Still banging your head against the wall because Toddlers & Tiaras has gone away?

Having trouble detoxing after six seasons of sugar buzzing?  Missing the sweet taste of Tinker Tea on your tongue and the residue of tanning overspray on your kitchen table?

Well, you’re not alone.  Seems like a lot of people are having trouble dealing with TLC’s sudden decision to shut off our pageant crack pipeline.  Coming down’s the hardest part.

And I hate to see anyone suffer, so I’ll take another one for the team and rewind a few more classic Glitter Girls Gone Wild moments to help everyone deal with the loss.

Because I feel your pain.

26770285eBtYou can never go wrong with money and snacks.  Right, Paisley?


Any outfit looks better with attitude and a Ni-Ni.  Right, Makenzie?


‘B’ is for Boy.  ‘D ‘is for Diva.  Put ’em together and you just spelled Brock.


Seriously.  After that one, I got nuthin’.


Bitch, I’m out.


Toddlers & Tiaras Flashback: R.I.P.? Is Your Guilty Pleasure Gone Too Soon Or Coming Back To Sparkle Again?

Saturday, October 26th, 2013


Uh oh.

You might want to unplug those hot rollers and get that spray tan machine off the kitchen table, people.  Maybe even try to start coming down from the pixie stix high you’ve been trippin’ on for six seasons, because it’s not looking good for everyone’s favorite unspoken guilty pleasure.

Everyone is talking about it, but nobody knows what’s going on.  

Kinda like the “Who Shot JR?” of 2013.  But not really.

Toddlers & Tiaras is MIA.  And no one at TLC or the Ramada front desk is talking.

The show that made finger kissing cool again has been cancelled.  Or maybe not.

But probably.

No one is saying.  And I’m not liking it.  I even had to read a book on Wednesday night.

Well, ok.  I bought one anyway.  And I may even read it someday after I work through my Toddler withdrawals.  We’ll see.  Baby steps.

Little tiny pretty feet baby steps.

But for now, take strength in knowing that I would never leave you hanging cold turkey.

If the sparkle has really gone out of our Wednesday nights, the least I can do is toss you a bone or two while we figure out how to reprogram our DVRs.

So jump in the Toddler Time Machine with me and bloop back to some of our favorite moments.  The ones that would have made amazing water cooler conversations on Thursday morning if anyone else in the office actually admitted to watching the show.

Like Makenzie Myers.  The Ultimate Grand Supreme Meltdown Queen.  ReMixed.

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Or the Ultimate Grand Supreme Breakout Star of the entire half dozen seasons.

Honey Boo Boo Child.

Tanked up on sass and Go-Go Juice, Alana Thompson holla’d her way to a dolla and into our hearts as soon as she hit the screen.  Accompanied by her substantially beautimous Mama June and a house full of Brawny paper towels, they got all up in our faces so fast we didn’t have any choice but to redneckognize their awesomeness.

They loved pageants and roadkill and gave us a whole new type of Krazy.

Honey Boo Boo Style.

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Hopefully these cheap seat repeats will bring back a few fond memories.  Maybe even some of the memories that you thought were finally suppressed.  Who knows.

And if you’ve never had the pleasure…it’s all new to you, right?  You have no idea I’m just spitting out old stuff and then going to bed.

As we try and work through our separation anxiety issues, I think it’s important to remember all the baby breakdowns and mama meltdowns that made us smile and scratch our heads and almost choke on our ill-fitting flippers over the years.

So enjoy.

And Sparkle, Baby.

At least a few more times, anyway.


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