Posts Tagged ‘Universal Royalty Beauty Pageant’

Toddlers & Tiaras Flashback: Love Is In The Air. Remembering The Pixie Stix Princesses And Playground Playas.

Friday, February 21st, 2014


It’s February.

The most heartfelt month of the year.

I don’t know if it’s the Polar Vortex, residual Valentine’s Day mush or just a crash from all the 75% off CVS candy that’s got me feeling so redneckulously romantical this month.

(Who cares if it’s two weeks later and the candy is heart-shaped?  It’s still chocolate.)

Whatever the reason, this time of year always makes me miss my Toddlers & Tiaras and all the Life Lessons learned over those six too-short seasons.

Shoot.  When they weren’t buzzing around hotel lobbies at 70mph or staring blankly into camera lights waiting for their crazy Pageant Moms to get the Hook, those sparkly kids taught me more about love, life and putting the moves on my teeter totter crush than any self-help book I ever download onto my iPad.  Thanks for nothing, iTunes.

It’s true.  I own it.  Toddlers & Tiaras pretty much made me who I am today.

I like to call it Toddler Relationships 101.

Like how a good milkshake can always bring the Boyz to the yard.  Oh hey, Gurlz.

tumblr_lnyu1zuygp1qdu1jmA subtle bit of Side Eye can make all the difference when playing the game.

tumblr_m7ygk3jNXs1qb9pa3o1_500Sometimes you just have to tell it like it is.  Trust me…the truth hurts.

tumblr_m0efetrLZX1qd9agqo1_500A dude’s gotta do what a dude’s gotta do to score nowadays.

tumblr_inline_mg4lw5Fcxv1ryjwc0Until it backfires and you get busted, of course.  Excuse me?

tumblr_lq02shmxec1qbnfoaI hear that sometimes honesty is the best policy.  But don’t quote me.

giphy-3Unfortunately, no matter how much effort you put into a relationship, sometimes it just ain’t gonna happen.  Don’t even think it.

Toddlers-Tiaras-GifSo you deal with it in your own way and move on.


And when it finally does work, it makes you all like…

tumblr_inline_mp9uynmPCT1qz4rgpSo Happy Belated Valentine’s Day everyone.  Love you.  Mean it.  And, please…


Toddlers & Tiaras: Shut The Air Lock And Shut It Down, Girl. It’s Universal Royalty’s Queen Of The Galaxy.

Friday, June 14th, 2013




How ’bout you little nuggets grab a juice box and let Mama show you how it’s done, mmmkay?






Lawd give me the strength to not pop off on that child and to not break a hip in the 2016 Olympic gymnastic trials.







I see dead people…and the CEO of Pixar telling me to dress like Buzz Lightyear. And a Hooters Girl.






She better not be pointing at me or I’ll kick that tiny a** to Infinity and Beyond.








Twerkin’ by the mats. Go NeNe.







Every time a cowbell rings, an angel gets their wings. And a crown, or I’m gonna lay hands on some judge in the lobby.






The continental breakfast was a nice touch, but the free circus hats? Hell, yeah I’m coming back next weekend.



Lawd have mercy.

Put your hands…and your photon laser beam guns…up in the ayah and testify with Toddlers & Tiaras.  Never underestimate the power of prayer and pixie stix.

Can I get an A-Hill?

That’s right.  Annette Hill and the Universal Royalty Beauty Pageant took it to church this week.  Big Time.

Granted, that church was on Pluto, and the choir robes looked a little more like cupcake dresses and Science Fair solar system dioramas…but it was still a religious experience.

It was the Queen of the Galaxy competition and Pageant Director Annette wasted no time in explaining how this rocket was going to be launched into outer space.

Oh, Annette.  Where do I start?  As you know, it’s been well documented over the last few years how much I love me some Annette.

I think it was way back during that Tribute to Motown Pageant that I first realized my girl was off the hook.  That was the episode where someone accidentally popped in a James Brown cd too early and Annette almost had to be airlifted out of the studio in a medical chopper.

Girlfriend does love her Motown.  Werk.

She was cray cray back when she was still rocking that librarian bun and those fancy Joan Rivers readers.  But now that Annette got her hair did and got rid of the chain on her glasses, she’s unstoppable.  When we finally wreck the clubs together, I hope she’s been saving some of that Good Morning America money, because bail ain’t cheap.

The theme was Space.  The Final Frontier and all.  But with glitter instead of stars.

For some reason, Annette hoped that there would be a dancing astronaut, which was such a random statement that it was pretty much perfect.  Plus it gave her a chance to pop her head like like she was about to start a fight in Walmart while a cartoon flying saucer flew across the screen.


TLC…I bow to your awesomeness.

Annette also showed us her Space Face for some reason, which was a delightful combination of a pageant girl pouty face and a Kardashian Instagram selfie.

Our first little contestant was 4 year old Katlyn and Mom Kymberli.  Flashback.

This was not their first trip to Toddlers & Tiaras, and as soon as I recognized Mom I was ’bout to drop down and thank the Lord…but she beat me to it.

Lawd, Mom and Grandma Kelli were pretty much Everything.  Period.

Let’s just say that I hope there’s room in Annette’s SUV, because you know I just found us two more BFF girlfriends for Klub Nite.  They are totally the ones who would make Annette stop the car in the middle of a four lane freeway to pray to Jesus for enough toll money so we could use the express lane.

Everything was Lawd this and Lawd that.

Lawd, help me get this Jane Jetson wig on straight.  Lawd, give me strength to open this damn pickle jar.  Lawd, strawberries are Buy One Get One at Sam’s Club.

You name it.  Just make up a sentence, stick Lawd at the beginning or the end and there you go.

The last time we saw them both getting their gospel on, Kymberli had some crazy a** blonde weave that I’m pretty sure was glued on sideways, but this time around she traded up to a more colorful number that’s a little more on trend for the season.

Imagine Katy Perry and Beyoncé having a Smurf baby Love Child at the VH1 studios and you pretty much know what I’m talking about.

Lawd, that’s some blue hair.

Grandma Kelli, who likes to be called NeNe…as opposed to last week’s Toddler Mom Naye Naye…had that loud Food Court laugh that I love so much.  From a mile away, I tell you.  Even over the Vitamix blender at Smoothie King.  When she’s not trying to text the Lord, NeNe pretty much acts exactly how you would expect a Grandma named NeNe to act.


(Memo to self:  Get a sassy nickname asap.)

There was also another woman sitting on the couch who never talked.  And a dude that I swear was half of Milli Vanilli back in the day.  It was a full house.

Next up was 3 year old Ava and her cute Mom Ashley.  I know she was cute because she said it about a bazillion trillion times.

Ava was a paranormal ghostbuster and liked to shoot zombies, which was fine by Mom, who had already picked out a crop top, Nike high tops and booty shorts for the upcoming Apocalypse.

She said that.

Dad Mark was also living in the house, even though he had already signed the divorce papers and was dating other women.  Awkward much?  His upper lip looked a little sweaty when he tried to explain that one to America.

Sorry Mom, but Ava was also redoinkulously cute in that smiley Asian baby way.

So cute.  And her pageant coach was cute, too.  There was a lot of cute in the hizzle.

Cambrie Littlefield was back!

Unfortunately (…for her, right?…) I’m already committed to Pageant Coach Katie Boyer in my fantasy pageant coach pool, but Cambrie is a close second if Katie breaks one of her pretty feet and goes on the disabled list.

Every time I see Cambrie she looks like she should be in a country music video.  Not the twangy kind, but the Carrie Underwood kind.  With a wind machine, because if that is really all her own hair she must get hate mail from every Mean Girl in Jersey.

Cambrie’s stunningly pretty and nice and I mean, c’mon…anyone who can wear thigh high boots while ghost hunting with a 3 year old deserves to at least sing back up for that guy on The Voice.

The third little princess was 7 year old Iyslah (…Pat, I’d like to buy a vowel…) and Mom Ruby.  All the kids this week were patooties, and Iyslah looked like a mini JLo playing Selena on the Disney Channel.


This was their first Glitz Pageant, so you knew where this one was headed already.  But with some practice, you know Iyslah will nail it.

Her Grandfather was some kind of commissioner or traffic cop or mayor and brought everyone down to city hall for National Iyslah Day.  Watching her speak like a Big Girl to all the town’s elected officials made me smile.  Not as big a smile as hers, but pretty big.  If she doesn’t stick to pageants, you know that Iyslah is going to be the first female sumthin sumthin in that town, because she owned that podium.

You go, girl.

Meanwhile, Pageant Prep was in full swing for Katlyn & Company.  After a drama filled trip to Weaves ‘R Us for an orange Jane Jetson bob, it was off to the gymnastics center to practice her Space Wear routine.

Blah.  Blah.  All that really matters is that Grandma NeNe did a somersault.

Yeah.  That totally happened.

Lawd, have mercy.  It was like a slo-mo version of that “I’ve Fallen And Can’t Get Up” commercial, and it pretty much made my entire year.  Why they felt it necessary to make a grandmother attempt a gymnastic maneuver with that much junk in the trunk, I dunno.

But thank the Lawd they did.

By the time she landed upside down with her legs spread wide up in the air, my cable reception got clearer and now I have free HBO.  I can’t hear it over her laughing and all that thanking Jesus for not rupturing her spleen, but it’s free.

Love.  Them.

While NeNe was doing her splits, Cambrie and Ava were at a pool hall seeing dead people.  I’m not really sure how they ended up at a former brothel turned pool hall, but there are so many pool stick and blue ball jokes I could make right now that my head hurts.

Ava saw some dead people and Cambrie posed by the pool table like she was on the cover of the cd for that music video she should already be starring in.  Don’t make me say it again.


Iyslah’s rehearsal was a little less dramatic, though she did do the same chair dance that I saw them do on the Pussycat Dolls Tour.

Finally, it was Showtime!  Well, after NeNe had to stop the car so Mom could run back in and get the makeup bag she had forgotten, that is.  Lawd, get me some ginkgo biloba before I forget my own name.

So.  Before we go any further.

Annette…you been holding out on me, girl.  Nobody told me that if (…I mean WHEN…) I finally get to judge on Toddlers & Tiaras that I get a free circus hat.  Excuse me?

A free top hat decorated with ostrich feathers and shiny stuff?  Yes, please.

Lawd, those two boy judges.  Just. Lawd.

Anyway.  Annette was all wound up and couldn’t wait to give away a trip to Space Camp.

Umm, yeah.  Hello.  Space Camp.  Forget that gigantic 5 story pink Barbie condo that Tonya Bailey gave away last week.  We’re talking NASA.  Get this prize and you can freakin’ fly over Tonya’s pink house.  Just make sure you wave hello.  She’s a hoot.

Space Camp.  Not gonna lie.  The visual of some tiny little sparkly kid in a cupcake dress bouncing upside down in zero gravity as a stray wiglet floats by like a Star Trek Tribble did make me smirk.

But that prize is sweet.  Totz Jealz.

The Beauty portion of the competition went like they always do, except for the Top Hat Boyz who hated everything.  Not enough bling.  Too poofy.  Not poofy enough.  Too many cowbells.

I just wanted one of those hats.

(Memo to self:  Get a fabulous chapeau to go with your sassy new nickname asap.)

Space Wear is when the party started.

Ava hit the stage as Buzz Lightyear and whipped those airplane wings around so many times I thought she would cross into the hotel’s No-Fly Zone.  Katlyn’s orange wig stayed on her head during her front roll, which nobody thought would happen, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.


Thank the Lord and about 50 bajillion million bobby pins for that one.

Iyslah’s outfit looked like a tiny tyke version of that Lady Gaga dress with all the Saturn rings dingling around it.  It was very cool, but one of the Top Hat Boyz felt it was too dark and, of course, not blingy enough.  Never blingy enough.

Apparently, in Space no one can hear you scream…or over accessorize.

NeNe clanged her cheering section cowbells in the air like she was back in Mayberry calling Opie home for lunch, which really irritated the delicate ear canals of at least one Top Hat Boy.

Then some kids won some stuff.

During crowning, Ava stood way up high on her Dad’s legs wearing the cutest little Oriental costume that made her look like she was performing the finale of Miss Saigon.  If NeNe hadn’t been laughing and clanging those damn bells so loud I swear you could have heard a helicopter land.

(That joke is pointless if you never saw Miss Saigon.  Don’t over analyze it.)

Thank you, Lawd.  Katlyn scored Miss Grand Supreme and then almost choked to death on a straw during her final interview.

Unfortunately, poor Iyslah didn’t get squat.  Hopefully Annette snuck her some stuff when it was all over, because she looked so sad.  I’m sure she hugged her for me.

And a special thank you to the Spirit World, for giving Ava the Ultimate Deep Dish Grand Supreme.  That’s right.  Top Prize.  Space Camp, bitches.

Mom said Holy F*** (…nice talk, by the way…) and screamed and hugged Cambrie like they were at a Bieber concert.

(Memo to self:  Make a fan out of money like Ava was holding and start paying for everything with Liberace flourish asap.)

And then it was over.

As quickly as it had appeared, the Universal Royalty Shuttle was gone.  Back to wherever it is that they go to refuel, fix their hair and get ready for wherever the next round of Space Sparkle takes them.

But it’s all good.  Tonight when you look up at the stars and see that twinkle, just know that all is right with the world and that somewhere out there Annette Hill is slow dancing with an astronaut to a James Brown groove.

Cuz that’s how she do, mmmkay?


Toddlers & Tiaras: Frosted Tips And Whitestrips. It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas At The Universal Royalty Pageant. Who’s Yer Daddy?

Saturday, December 15th, 2012




You think a $4,000 dress can’t be real? You should see my honeymoon photos.







Oh. Hell. No. White people are crazy.







With a toy for each gay and boy…we are Santa’s elves.







Dat’s my baby. She’s holding it all wrong, but that’s my baby. I swear.






Ok. I may be only 3 months old, but I know this shizzle is seriously f***d up.







You get no dress for $4,000!! Lady right. White people crazy.





They’re baaaack!

And even more importantly…she’s baaaack!

Toddlers & Tiaras and Annette Hill are back, bitches.

Christmas came early this year as TLC snuck in a new episode of America’s unspoken glitzy, guilty pleasure one week ahead of the official season premiere.  Surprise!

It totally screwed up my DVR and my pre-game snack planning, but when a gift comes preloaded with as much lunacy as this one did…I’m not complaining. Hand it over.

Plus it had Annette.  And I do love me some Annette.

I’m not sure why exactly, since she isn’t nearly as whacky as some of the other Pageant Directors that we’ve been introduced to over the years.  Not even close.  And you know I also love me some cray cray.  The cray cray-er the better, actually.

But what Annette lacks in wide eyed hyper-enthusiasm and inappropriate lollipop licking (…you do remember the episode with that blonde director going to town on that fine piece of sugar, right? Eeew…) she more than makes up for with Fierceness.

Cuz Annette Hill don’t play.

The last time we got to hang out with Annette she was working that Motown pageant and threatening to get all her junk up on stage and shake what her Momma gave her.  We can only hope the cameras were rolling for that one and that one day we’ll finally get to see her in action on some Director’s Cut DVD.

But this time around it was all about Christmas and Glitz.  Universal Royalty style.  So grab some holiday Chex Mix…this is gonna take awhile.

Our first tiny princess was 3 year old Katlyn and her Mom Kymberli, who both had a little Annette DNA up in there somewhere.

Katlyn was approximately 28 pounds of OhNoYouDin’t as she sassed her way around the bedroom while Mom explained how Divalicious her daughter was for such a young age.  She was a 5th generation pageant girl, born and raised like royalty livestock.

And Baby Girl was poised to take on the world.

Based on volume, Mom contained a substantially larger percentage of the OhNoYouDin’t chromosome than Katlyn, and was therefore mathematically even more Divalicious.

Hey, I’m not hatin’.  I loved her.  And I totally want to hang with Kymberli and Annette when they go clubbin’ on the weekends.  Can you even imagine…? I don’t even have enough bail money in my savings account to cover that trip to the Apollo.  Call me.

But even Dad said that Mom didn’t look like she was starving.  She was a hoot with that bleached, flat ironed synthetic VH1 hair that just made you want to pop off on somebody.

And the apple don’t fall far from the tree, because Grandma Kelli had it going on, too.

But her name is NiNi, not Grannie.  Or at least I think that’s how you spell it.  They never clarified.  But that’s how I’m going to spell it, just so nobody mistakenly thinks that the other NeNe has a grand baby doing pretty feet in Austin.

The other one is very rich, bitch.  She don’t need  your big a** trophy and dollar bill fans, mmmkay?  Bloop.

(Yes, in hindsight…if you don’t watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta you probably could have just skipped over that last paragraph and gotten to the finish line a little quicker.  My bad.)

And then we met Christopher.

Spray tanned, frosted tipped, Crest whitestripped, nervous lipped Christopher.

I just can’t.

Christopher was (allegedly) the Pageant Dad to 9 year old Hailey.  A single father (allegedly) married to Laura for 7 years.

Again.  I just can’t.

I know I make up a lot of stuff when I write.  And I may snark a little.  Once in awhile.

But I just can’t.

Remember The Dick Van Dyke Show?  Two twin beds with a nightstand in between?

Christopher was straight (…no pun intended, but nonetheless hilarious…) out of Central Casting with his Stretch Armstrong face and California Glow spray tan.  The Justin Timberlake *N Sync hair was also a nice touch, as was the twitchy wink that punctuated nearly every sentence.

Let’s just say that I went to college with a lot of “Christophers” who “dated” a lot of “Lauras” when they weren’t waitering at The Cheesecake Factory or painting sets for West Side Story and leave it at that.  I don’t want to influence your opinions on the topic.  You know me by now.  I would never do that.

But before we move on, I’ll just add that those “Christophers” were also the ones who wore those year round euro-trash scarves wrapped five times around their necks and wouldn’t even put on a hat in a blizzard because the static might mess up their tips.

You can just tell Hailey’s Dad owns about 6 pair of those 180 wrap around  the back of your head ear muffs that are always stacked up in the aisles at Macy’s on Black Friday.  You know he does.

And now I’m done.

Christopher’s goal, aside from actually participating in the pageant himself, was to bring Hailey out of her shell.  She was quite shy.  And expressionless.  And yawned a lot.  Good luck with that.

Our final contestant this week was 3 year old Ava, who was so busy clubbing her big brother in the head with a ceramic piggy bank that she barely looked up at the camera.

Mom Monica had that subtle deer in the headlight smile that a Mom always has when she’s attempting to distract company from noticing that her son may have a chunk of white ceramic and two silver dollars embedded in his skull.

You are correct, Mom.  Ava’s a handful.

Then it was off to retrieve Hailey’s $4,000 dress at Muzzie’s, which coincidentally enough, was also the name of the bar that many of my college “Laura” friends went to one night instead of sitting through another West Side Story dress rehearsal.

I just can’t.

Christopher had hooked up Hailey with a stylist.  For her first pageant.  And his name was Ephraim Danforth.

Of course it was.

Somehow, the $4,000 dress had required another $1,000 in alterations and was now ready for pick-up.  Not being a tailor, I can only assume that for $1,000 the gown either now has the Power of Invisibility or will help Hailey fly when she eventually jumps out the window clutching her college education bank book.

Five seasons into T&T, the best thing that came out of the trip to Muzzie’s was that we finally got clear and concise directions on how one walks in a pageant gown from Ephraim Danforth himself.

On the outside, you should look like royalty and walk with your hands slightly scooping your dress as you heel/toe your way down the runway towards Buckingham Palace.

On the inside, you should look like you just scored Streisand tickets at Madison Square Garden.  Box seats.  With a Meet & Greet.

You need to Google it.  Ephraim is my new fabulous screensaver.  I think he even wet himself a little.

When I finally get to go clubbin’ with Kymberli and Annette we’re gonna have to take a 4 door, because we are absolutely swinging by Salon Mia Bella and picking up nail tech Shumei.  She is the tech who drew the short straw and had to give Hailey a french manicure while Christopher twitched and got all jealz on the other side of her station.

When she got wind of the $4,000 dress during an hour of awkward silence, she almost poked her own eye out with a file.

She could buy car for dat!

And then she laughed so big that I wanted to go to a restaurant in Chinatown and hug somebody.  Shumei needs to have a scene every week.

Back at Casa Diva, Katlyn was being shrink wrapped inside a makeshift snow globe.

Literally.  Shrink wrapped.  Like pork chop leftovers.

Mom and Dad were trying to figure out a creative way to design their holiday prop without cutting off all their daughter’s oxygen or alerting Child Services.  Saran Wrap didn’t seem like it would be the way to go as NiNi said a prayer for help.  That’s about when I realized that NiNi is big on that.

Jesus, take the wheel.  Jesus, take the snow globe.  Jesus, help me find the remote.  As we moved on to the pageant, NiNi kept asking Jesus for everything but glue sticks, which made her that much more endearing.

Makenzie was right.  I want my NiNi.

Finally, it was Showtime!

Annette was all gold and full o’ glitz and ready to get it done as the girls began the customary hotel room meltdowns.

Ava didn’t like people yanking on her ‘do and was getting ready to fling another piggy bank unless they wrapped this thing up quickly.

Down the hall, NiNi and Kymberli had apparently just returned from the MTV Music Awards where they performed a medley of their hits, because I can’t think of any other reason why they would be so overdressed for a kids pageant.  And packing cowbells.

If they could get Katlyn half as blinged up as they were for the pageant then Baby Girl was bringing home the Gold, fo’ sho.  I hope they get that dressed up when we all go out for ribs.

As Hailey sat comatose in the chair, the hairstylist that Christopher had paid good money for was falling further and further behind and Dad’s nerves, patience and rubber face were all being pushed to their limits.

He even offered to take Hailey back to his room and do the hairstyling himself.  I’m guessing that means that he had hot rollers and Aqua Net in his carry on, which was…convenient.

I just can’t.

Ava’s ambition when she grows up was to be a doctor.  If that’s really the case, I hope she responds faster with the crash cart than she did during the Beauty portion of the show.  It just didn’t happen.  Even Judge DJ Pecktal took off her glasses like a naughty school teacher in a hard rock music video and commented on how dazed little Ava appeared on stage.

I’m hoping DJ is laying tracks at the club the night I hit the town with the girls, because she seemed like she could get a party started.

Katlyn’s ears bled a little from NiNi wailing on the cowbell, but it was all out of love.

Hailey missed her call and never got to walk the stage with her age group because everyone was still yanking on her hair back up in the room.  Through the bronzer you could tell that Christopher’s cheeks were burning red with anxiety and I could already feel a Celine hissy fit coming on.

He eventually pulled two other hair and makeup people out of thin air and got Hailey down to the ballroom, but it was too late.  But not too late to angrily sashay right up to the podium (…tuck your shirt in, dude…) and get all up in Annette’s face.  Daddy likes it rough, I guess.

Turns out he had paid Annette’s company for the faulty hair lady and demanded that Hailey’s deducted points be added back into her score.  Annette listened, but didn’t really look at him.  Like your Mom does when you are whining about something and she’s trying to watch her stories.

Ok, dear.  That’s nice, dear.  Here’s your lousy three points, you big cry baby.

Christopher even hugged her, and probably got more creeped out than she did.

Pageant Girl Cooties.

For the Christmas Wear portion, nothing says Holiday like stealing decorations from a hotel lobby and sticking them on a life size snow globe, I always say.

Kymberli and Dad panicked a little the night before, bailed on their Saran Wrap death trap and instead chose to ransack the hotel for some festive decor.  Which they promised to return after snagging a trophy for Katlyn.

Jesus, take the security camera.

Ava stood in a Christmas dress.  Period.

Hailey ended up on stage dressed as an elf, singing off-tempo to a track that sounded like those old pull string toys when the battery is just about to die.  Cute, maybe, for a 3 year old.  But for a 9 year old? Deduction.

As she began a slow slide down to the floor to finish the routine, it looked like someone had accidentally knocked one of those creepy Elf On A Shelf dolls off the mantel and didn’t even try to catch it.

Christopher was not happy.  And called the whole thing a surprise, which was a little odd considering that he helped carry the props, saw his daughter dressed up like an elf and (allegedly) lives in the same house with her.  Not to mention that he was clutching the Elf Microphone the whole time he was harassing my girl Annette.

Unless he had something else in his luggage that looked like a fat candy cane with a knob on the end that took AA batteries.  He was holding it for crying out loud.  What part of this was a surprise?

I just can’t.

Then some kids won some stuff.

Katlyn had enough trophies for a yard sale.  NiNi testified “Here comes Santa Claus! Here Comes Santa Claus!” like she was wearing a big hat in church.

Ava got a little sumthin sumthin that made her happy but made Dad Victor insist that she was robbed.

Hailey lost to a girl in a cupcake dress.  One that probably didn’t cost $4,000.

Two happy girls.  One, not so much.

But Dad was there to support poor Hailey by yelling at her to pick up the hem of that $4,000 dress as they exited the hotel.   Don’t make me show you how to walk in that dress, Girlfriend.

To paraphrase Ryan Seacrest…Christopher, out.

Happy Holidays.

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